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March 22, 2021

The Personal Statement That Got Me a Large Scholarship to Cambridge

When I submitted my application for the Masters program in Latin American Studies at Cambridge University, I was a bit lost in life. I was what they call a “super-senior” at UCLA, taking my last three General Education requirements during Fall quarter of a fifth year. I had already walked for graduation the June before and the future was oddly wide open, and incredibly empty to me. Like many students who are “good at school,” I thought that a graduate program seemed like a reasonable idea, especially because I graduated during an economic crisis and the job search was difficult. I opened a number of applications for PhD programs in the United States and, on the advice of a professor, I applied to Cambridge because of the opportunity to focus exclusively on Latin American Cinema and a chance to be considered for the Gates Cambridge Scholarship.

My Gates Cambridge personal statement

While the application to Cambridge’s Latin American Studies program did not differ greatly from that of most global graduate schools, in order to be considered for funding opportunities like the Gates Cambridge award I was required to submit an additional personal statement. 

The prompt was daunting:

In not more than 500 words, please describe below how your interests and achievements, both academic and extra-curricular, demonstrate a capacity for leadership, commitment to using your knowledge to serve your community and to applying your talents to improve the lives of others.

I was 22, and I had never really tried to articulate how my curiosity about foreign languages, Latin American literature, culture, and film could demonstrate “ a capacity for leadership ,” or the ability to “serve my community.” But I gave it a go.

The statement of purpose I wrote and submitted to Cambridge:

I grew up in Oakland, California, one of the most violent and disparate urban communities in America. While I knew this as a child, I only knew it in a distant sense. I caught glimpses of newspaper headlines with phrases like “gang violence” and “high homicide rate.” I heard rap songs on the radio that referred to the infamous “O-town of the West,” or the area code “510.” Those were always funny references to my hometown, but they were words and sayings; they never felt like realities to me as I grew up. To my great surprise, these newspaper articles, statistics, and song lyrics only became real to me when I left Oakland and America to spend my junior year abroad in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, and then return home. Before I arrived there, Brazil only existed on paper, in books like Peter Winn’s Americas, and on screen in films like City of God. The mesmerizing topography and diverse population of Rio de Janeiro were realities that I approached with trepidation. But after a year, I abandoned my preconceptions about the city and was even comfortable using unofficial vans, or kombis, to navigate my way through the chaotic and sprawling city. I overcame my fears and learned how to assert myself appropriately in difficult situations. Just as I had become comfortably aware of the realities of Oakland, I became inured to the violence and class conflicts that had frightened me before arriving in Rio. With regards to this experience, the most educational and enlightening moments of shock came to me as I drove through Oakland on my way home from the airport. I had not been home for a year, my eyes were glued to the car window, and I saw everything differently. Though the terrain between the Oakland airport and my home is relatively flat, that day the socio-economic inequality was as clear to me as the diverse topography of Rio de Janeiro. To put it simply, there were houses with fences and window guards, and houses with large driveways and beautifully landscaped gardens. Through subtle markers and contexts, the issues and conflicts that had surprised and scared me in Rio were suddenly applicable to the scenery and media of my hometown. Both of these experiences, of arriving in Brazil and returning to Oakland, are powerful instances of where academic or literary knowledge solidifies through the experience of real events. I want to know more about issues of urban Latin America because they are directly related to urban American issues. Emotional and analytical access to these socio-economic issues through literature and film is a bridge that I passionately want to extend towards students. Every person who enters a college classroom is profoundly privileged with the opportunity to see herself and her surroundings differently. It is my dream to inspire others to see education as an opportunity to travel, to experience difference, and to return home with critical points of view, and the desire to create positive change.

Here’s what happened after I submitted:

• On December 10, I received an email from the Center of Latin American Studies informing me that I had been accepted to the program and would be hearing from the Board of Graduate Studies shortly.
• On December 14, I was informed that I had made it to the finalist round for Gates Cambridge, and that interviews were to be held in February.
• After finishing my coursework at UCLA , I moved home in December, picked up a job as a waitress at a local diner, and started applying for office jobs in the Bay Area.
• And on January 1, 22-year-old Oscar Grant was fatally shot by a BART cop at Fruitvale Station in Oakland, California.

How I was shocked during my Gates Cambridge interview:

During my 25-minute interview with the Gates committee in February, I was completely stunned by a question that one of the British members posed as a research question. It was something like: “Given that you propose to study Latin American film as part of your research, what do you think of the footage of Oscar Grant’s death?” I was pretty much speechless when this question was asked, and I had a hard time composing myself. Footage of Oscar Grant’s killing was impossible to avoid in Oakland. The cell phone recordings of Oscar Grant’s death were also the first reel of raw film images that I had ever seen to depict the end of an actual person’s life. I had seen American History X, a movie in which a white man brutally commits racist and fatal hate crimes, but those were fictional images. Most of the films that I studied regarding Latin America were also made of fictional images. The footage of Oscar Grant dying was a visceral reality for me, and it came with weeks of rioting in my hometown, a series of incredibly tense conversations with neighbors and family, feelings of guilt about my whiteness, and a deep sense of helplessness about the world around me. None of those words came out in my interview. Overwhelmed with emotions, I just wasn’t able to express myself in that moment, and I tried to move on as quickly as possible. But since then, I’ve thought a lot about that question.

What I learned from writing my personal statement for the Cambridge College Scholarship Application:

In hindsight, the question that the committee asked me was a genuine response to my personal statement, which means that the statement had been effective even before it became timely. Remember, I was selected for the shortlist before Oscar Grant was shot, but the setting that I created by observing my own surroundings in the personal statement is what allowed for the committee to connect with a reality that was (and still is) unfolding around me. When I first wrote this statement, I was afraid it didn’t say enough about my achievements, past leadership experiences, or meaningful accomplishments . I wasn’t ready to discuss obstacles overcome, I acknowledged my privilege, and I didn’t know anything about what the essay was supposed to be like. In fact, I didn’t share any of my applications materials with advisors or friends before submitting (a horrible idea!).  

However, after my many years of working with students from a variety of backgrounds on diversity statements and scholarship applications , I understand why this was a successful statement. All I did was observe myself in the world, genuinely and honestly at that stage of my life. I described my relationship to Oakland from an insider’s eyes, and an outsider’s eyes, and that allowed the committee to learn about me within the context of where I grew up. Because I described Oakland from the eyes of someone just off of a plane from Rio de Janeiro, I gave the committee concrete insights that they couldn’t have surmised from the first sentence: “I grew up in Oakland, California.” This is an issue that comes up a lot when I work with people on personal statements. Oftentimes the things that you know about yourself and your surroundings are so obvious to you that you forget to describe these insights to your audience. In a personal statement it is your job to explain who you are, what drives you to accomplish your goals, why your current course of study matters to you and how it can impact others.

How to write a compelling personal statement

If you’re working on a statement like this and you start to wonder what it’s supposed to be, or what you’re supposed to talk about, tell yourself to stop asking that question. Instead ask yourself, what do you know intuitively about how you move in the world? How can you observe yourself so that someone else gets a glimpse of how you think, what you care about, and why you want to do the things that you want to do? I didn’t end up getting the Gates Cambridge Scholarship, which felt like a blow at the time. 

As a result of the same application materials and essays, however, I was awarded a Cambridge Overseas Trust Scholarship for £10,000 ($17,000) which covered most of my tuition. Because of this funding, I ended up going to Cambridge and studying Latin American film. I also took away some incredible lessons from Gates Cambridge interview, and those personal insights made the whole process worth it.

Applying for multiple sources of graduate funding through the Cambridge Trust

My experience interviewing for the Gates Cambridge scholarship also marked a moment when I began my journey into the world of research, grant writing, and teaching college level composition. What I’ve learned since then is that, when it comes to competitive opportunities like the Gates Cambridge Scholarship, it is important to approach the process with level-headed expectations about the chances of getting through to the final rounds and being selected. However, that doesn’t mean that the time you spend building strong application materials and scholarship essays isn’t worth it, as your effort can likely pay off in other ways. 

At universities like Cambridge, there are usually numerous opportunities for funding through entities such as the Cambridge Trust and Funded Research Projects , and they all have different application procedures. Within the Cambridge Trust, for example, there are awards like the Hughes Hall PhD Scholarship, which requires students to select Hughes Hall as a first-choice college and fill out the general College Scholarship application, and the Kanders Churchill Scholarship, which has an entirely separate application process and personal statement. 

So, if you find yourself working on personal statement for a specific university scholarship, that’s a sign that there are other available opportunities at the same institution. The frustrating truth is that it is more than likely that these opportunities are not centralized into one application process. In order for you to make the most of all the work you’ve put into composing a personal statement, it is worth it to conduct additional research about how to be considered for additional scholarships and put together multiple applications based on your profile. 

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Related Resources:

• What I Learned about Grant Writing from Putting Together 3 Fulbright Applications Before Finally Being Selected • What Is a Scholarship? And Why Didn’t I Get One? • Awards! Grants! Scholarships! Oh My! a podcast episode

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Completing your My Cambridge Application Guide

If you’ve applied for cambridge university as one of your ucas university choices, then you’re going to need to submit an application to my cambridge, an online portal run by the university itself. my cambridge is completely separate from the ucas form and is a unique element of the cambridge application process designed to help the university gather information that isn’t included on the ucas forms, such as the topics you’ve studied in your a-level courses..

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When do I have to submit the My Cambridge application?

Once you’ve submitted your UCAS application (by the 15th of October to meet the Oxbridge deadline) you will receive an email with details of the My Cambridge application; how to create your account, how to login, etc. You will then have until the deadline of the 22nd of October 2022 to complete the My Cambridge application and submit it. Only after submitting the application will you be considered by the university for interview and receive notice of your invitation.

What information does the My Cambridge application ask for?

The My Cambridge application will ask for various kinds of information pertaining to yourself and your application to the university. This information includes:

• Your UCAS personal ID
• The temporary My Cambridge Application password we send you by email
• A passport-style digital photograph of yourself
• Details of the units you have taken/are taking, including UMS results achieved so far if you have taken/are taking modular AS/A Levels
• Details of the band scores you have achieved, if you have taken Scottish Highers/Advanced Highers
• A copy of your High School Transcript, where required. For guidance as to whether or not you are required to submit a High School Transcript, please go to: www.undergraduate.study.cam.ac.uk/applying/transcript
• A copy of your University Transcript (if applicable). Further information can be found at www.undergraduate.study.cam.ac.uk/ applying/transcripts
• Fee payment (where applicable)

Do I have to write another personal statement?

In short, no you will not have to write an additional personal statement for your My Cambridge application. However, there is a section of the application form which allows you to write an optional additional personal statement, in which you may wish to include any information specific to Cambridge university. Remember that Cambridge have already seen your UCAS personal statement, so it’s best to only include things here that build on or are separate to what you’ve already mentioned. Cambridge are particularly interested in hearing what about the specific course you’re applying for attracted you to the university, and why it may stand out from other similar courses. The university also stress that not including an additional personal statement will in no way disadvantage your application, so only write a statement if you’ve got relevant things to say, not just for the sake of it!

Is there anything else on the form I should be aware of?

Most other questions included on the My Cambridge application are relatively straightforward, and won’t require too much work to answer. One important part of the application that is worth thinking a little harder about, however is the Extenuating Circumstances Form. As part of the My Cambridge application you can indicate whether you intend to use an ECF as part of your application (if you have not done so yet and would like to, then get in touch with the college you applied to or the university admissions office, for open applications, for more details). This form allows students to highlight disruption or disadvantage encountered during their education, such as health issues or disabilities. Again, filling in one of these forms and drawing attention to a long-term health issue is by no means a disadvantage, and the university recommends highlighting such issues as soon as possible so that any reasonable adjustments that are needed can be put in place.

Where can I get more information on the My Cambridge application?

Cambridge publish a guide to their My Cambridge application every year or so (since it often changes format slightly), and this year’s guide can be found in a PDF format on the University website . This guide is extremely helpful and runs you through every single section/question on the application so that you can prepare your answers in advance.

Good luck with your application!

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Cambridge University Personal Statements

We hope our collection of cambridge university personal statement examples provides inspiration for writing your own. please do not plagiarise them in any way, or ucas will penalise your application. our  personal statement editing & review services  are availble if you feel you need a little extra help..

History Personal Statement Example 2 I am captivated by the diversity and depth offered by a History degree; attracted by the way it encourages us to be analytical of the values and patterns of past societies. It was in my final year of secondary school that I was awarded the History Attainment Award, although my desire to study History dates back to an earlier age when I visited the site of the allied landings in Normandy at just eleven years old...

Linguistics Personal Statement Example 1 My most memorable Christmas came with a parcel of Harry Potter audio books and this was where my quest to understanding language began. The moment Stephen Fry started to narrate chapter one, I fell in love with words and all they could achieve...

Psychology Personal Statement Example 2 Psychology surrounds us. I often observe my class mates and ask myself why they are so different, struggling with attention or eating disorders. While looking for reasons, I also want to find ways to help them and I am confident that psychology will give me the means to do so...

Politics and International Relations Personal Statement Example 4 The era in which we live goes through constant turmoil and shifting powers. Not a day goes by without a change somewhere on our planet, which in turn has an effect on yet another change to come elsewhere...

Education and Drama Personal Statement Example (Oxbridge) "I shall have poetry in my life. And adventure. Unbiddable, ungovernable, like a riot in the heart, come ruin or rapture." Perhaps one should not begin with the words of another when presenting oneself, but as an actress, utilising the words of others is something that has become second nature...

Psychology Personal Statement Example 6 It was the odd behavioural traits displayed by my uncle, who has Asperger’s syndrome that first generated from a young age my questioning about why he acted so ‘differently’ to the rest of us. This was part of what led to my interest of studying psychology, as it made me question how and why humans are so disparate from one another, and what part the brain plays in running our everyday lives...

Politics & International Relations Personal Statement Example 2 It was November 1989. My parents were rattling their keys in the main square of Bratislava with other Czechoslovak youngsters asking for the democracy that was denied by the Communist regime. They raised me in an environment, where appreciation of freedom, expressing my thoughts and being an active citizen have been essential...

Mathematics and Physics Personal Statement Example 1 Mathematics is a fundamental tool for understanding our world: it can be used to define the symmetry of flowers or to manage global companies. What is so appealing about mathematics is the opportunity of applying it in the physical world...

Aerospace Engineering Personal Statement Example 1 Fire, the wheel, boats, book printing, electricity, engines, automobiles, planes, spaceships, wireless information transfer: engineering is determining this progress. Leading engineers are the creators of our future...

Maths and Spanish Personal Statement Example For as long as I have recognised words and numbers, I have seen a connection between the two. As I progressed in the AS Mathematics course I realised how drawn I was to the subject, motivating me to spend 2 weeks at school over the summer holidays learning 2 entire AS Further Maths modules, in order to take the full A-level course in one year...

Languages Personal Statement Example 10 At the age of eight, a friend introduced me to Guy Hamilton's 1969 film 'Battle of Britain'. This instilled in me two things: my doomed childhood ambition to be a Spitfire pilot, long since grudgingly abandoned, but also, perhaps ironically, a love for the sound and feel of the German language that has stayed with me all through the intervening decade...

English Personal Statement Example (Mature Student) Having worked on a secure psychiatric unit for two years, caring for many people unable to or precluded from following their dreams due to mental illness, as well as over a decade employed in positions just to pay the bills, I am finally pursuing my dream of becoming a published novelist...

History Personal Statement Example 7 It isn't an exaggeration to say my devotion to History has moulded me into the diligent and ambitious person I am today. History continues to shape our contemporary world and my opinions have been formed from an intellectual curiosity about the resonances between the past and the present...

Chemistry Personal Statement Example 2 Science is not just a subject taken in school, or a body of knowledge; it is a state of mind as well – always inquisitive and wondering. As a child, the world around me constantly captivated me and inspired questions, and I found delight in having my questions answered, always wanting to learn more, from fundamental particles, to atoms and molecules, to organisms, planets, and the universe...

Anthropology Personal Statement Example 2 My fascination with human behaviour and the motivations behind human actions has existed for most of my adult life, to determine a cause however I would accredit this to the voluntary work I participated in with Crisis Single Persons Homeless charity...

Mathematics and Economics Personal Statement Example 2 Every day we make decisions and interact with others; the laws of economics help us make rational choices and consider the irrationality of others, as well as understand the world better. Maths and statistics are the necessary tools for me to understand the modern economics...

Mechanical Engineering Personal Statement Example 2 The ability to apply what I have learnt in the classroom to the outside world is an aspect of physics and maths that I particularly enjoy. An example of this was being able to calculate the coefficient of friction between a book and a table, by knowing the weight and measuring the angle at which it started to move...

Pure Mathematics Personal Statement Example Mathematics is beautiful to me because of the deep and meaningful ideas touched upon by it, the vastness of these ideas, the clearness and elegance of their representation. Mathematics gives me the ability to apply knowledge by approaching things logically, and thinking clearly...

Civil Engineering Personal Statement Example 9 Civil engineering is a discipline which is essential in the modern world: roads, bridges, airports, railways, sewage works and power stations all provide the fabric of today's society, and without them the world would be a very different place...

Mathematics and Engineering Personal Statement Example Questions regarding the reason for my liking of mathematics have only one answer: mathematical logic and concepts contribute to a practical approach in every aspect of life. It is the diversity and universal applicability of this subject that encourages me to delve further and study it in depth...

Maths and Science Personal Statement Example Maths and science, in particular physics, have always been my favourite subjects in school. I have an inquisitive mind and am always asking "how?" and "why?" to find out how things work. I chose maths, physics and biology for my A levels, yet only realised I wanted to do engineering when I started studying topics such as mechanics...

Medicine Personal Statement Example 48 Given that over ninety nine percent of the body consists of just six elements, it is hard to imagine the human body as an intricately synchronised and immensely complex machine. Yet, it has done well to puzzle even the brightest minds in history-but I am drawn to a challenge; I cannot think of anything else more fascinating to work with...

Geography Personal Statement Example (Human/Environmental) The possibility of the human race’s days being numbered by our destructive lifestyles, as planted in my mind by Al Gore’s sensationalised and controversial ‘The Inconvenient Truth’, has fuelled my interest in the global warming phenomenon, forcing me to question society’s reluctance to tackle it and realise the worldwide impact of each of our daily lives...

Psychology Personal Statement Example 51 There is a reason behind everything we do, a purpose to our actions. The cognition behind any decision that we make is one of the many aspects of psychology that I am fascinated by. The following five words, as said by the Prophet Muhammad, I believe explain such a suggestion: "Actions are but by intentions"...

Mathematics Personal Statement Example 12 Mathematics is at the root of many academic subjects, such as mechanics in Physics, organic Chemistry and even Music and this is why I find it so fascinating. The process of starting from a simple set of formulae and deriving nearly all mathematical truth from these is what makes Mathematics a leading academic subject...

Engineering Personal Statement Example 20 Overcoming economic hurdles tempered by ecological limits requires innovative solutions. For centuries mathematical and analytical skills have fused to solve practical problems. The diverse nature of engineering has made advancements possible in an array of fields from the wheel to The International Space Station...

Architecture Personal Statement Example 16 I vividly remember the moment when I knew I wanted to be an architect. I had been taken to Barcelona to see ‘the wavy buildings’, at the time I didn’t know anything about Gaudí or his work so I was relatively unenthusiastic...

History Personal Statement Example 37 My interest in history lies in the simple fact that I have always been fascinated by the past. At eleven I won a full academic bursary to attend my current school. This was a way into a community in which my intellectual curiosity would be valued and where I could further my enthusiasm for history...

Medicine Personal Statement Example 61 While the idea to care for others is appealing to me, the applications of medicine for finding remedies to the complexities of the human body fascinates me even more. Studying medicine opens several career options from general practice to clinical research! Having the interest and aptitude for scientific knowledge and the awareness to promote health safety, it encourages me to choose this highly rewarding and satisfying course...

Aerospace Engineering Personal Statement Example 17 While other children fell asleep to the sound of their parents reading them bedtime fairytales, I was busy re-reading Ladybirds Explorer’s, “Flight” for probably the fourth time that day. I’ve been enthralled by the concept of flight and aerodynamics ever since I was young...

Chemistry Personal Statement Example 17 The realisation I wanted to study Chemistry at degree level came with my growing appreciation of its contribution and significance in shaping modern society, coupled with an increasing interest in the subject as my knowledge and understanding have developed...

History Personal Statement Example 40 History has always fascinated me because of what it can tell us about humanity; the decisions taken, the actions chosen and the mistakes made can all make us reflect on what it means to be human. I firmly believe history is not simply a case of learning facts and dates but rather a chance to analyse the past, enhancing our understanding of how we interact with each other today...

Maths Personal Statement Example 12 Mathematics dictates our understanding of the universe; the sciences that the world depends on today are founded and dependant on maths. Scientists and mathematicians spend their lives making remarkable discoveries contributing to the development of humanity, the findings we have been making in fields like quantum mechanics would be completely impossible without maths...

English Personal Statement Example 30 English is not simply the study of humanity, or society, or history or the written word; it is all of those together and it is this versatility that makes it so appealing to me. The link between literary criticism and psychoanalysis is a great interest of mine...

Psychology Personal Statement Example 67 I first became interested in psychology whilst discussing the underlying causes of criminal behaviour and non-conformity with my father. The nature-nurture debate gave me a huge desire to increase my knowledge and understanding of the human condition...

Economics Personal Statement Example 31 Since my parents were busy with the financial income throughout my childhood, I have been raised up by my grandmother. She was the oldest of 8 siblings in a family who were living in impoverished conditions...

Natural Sciences Personal Statement Example 4 Why and How? I believe these are the two most important question words as they express mankind’s unquenchable thirst for knowledge, and they have lain the foundation of sciences and have helped us find answers and solutions to problems throughout history from the domestication of fire to Darwin’s theory of evolution, to landing on the moon and so on...

Archaeology Personal Statement Example 6 I have always enjoyed learning about different cultures and civilisations, reflected in my enduring love of history, and more recently, archaeology. Compared to modern history, archaeology carries a sense of enigma which makes it much more stimulating for an imaginative and inquisitive mind...

Mechanical Engineering Personal Statement Example 19 These days, we are surrounded by engineering marvels. From radios to space shuttles, everything involves a vital feat of engineering. That is what I find most attractive about this field as its application is everywhere...

Land Economy Personal Statement Example (Cambridge University) Having been born and lived all my life in Hungary, with an English father and Hungarian mother, I have always wanted to go to university in England and spend most of my summers working in England. Being bilingual gives me an ability to see both sides of the question, and examine things from different perspectives which I feel will be useful for my studies...

Engineering Personal Statement Example 23 As I triggered the release mechanism and watched two pounds of rock hurtle skywards I thought to myself, "trebuchets are awesome!". Years passed before I realised that this was my first engineering project...

Engineering Personal Statement Example 24 When I was a child, most of the sentences I spoke out finished with a question mark, asking how everyday things work. Receiving answers to these questions and learning more about Mathematics and Physics has enlarged my desire to make human life easier and become an Engineer...

Linguistics Personal Statement Example 3 Have you ever heard the Tuvan throat singing technique? Beautiful and intriguing at the same time. The question that's bound to accompany a throat singing performance is how the human voice could possibly produce such a sound...

Computer Science Personal Statement Example 56 Computer Science - the most exciting insight into humanity's mission to conquer the future. It has been my favourite and most fascinating preoccupation since childhood, though back then I did not even know it...

History Personal Statement Example (Oxbridge) 2 Whether considering the real world applications of Bentham's utilitarianism in Religious Studies, analysing the context of a changing Victorian society in English Literature, or debating the evolving ideology of the Labour Party in Politics, there is one common thread connecting what I enjoy most about my studies: history...

Sociology Personal Statement Example 14 The need for the study of Sociology in society is, arguably, universally fundamental. The study of society is of paramount importance in solving social problems of great magnitude such as poverty and family disorganisation...

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GUIDE TO PERSONAL STATEMENTS & WIDER READING

Shadab Ahmed, Access & Funding Officer 2018-19

The application process is a confusing one when there is little guidance. Austerity has meant that teachers are not properly paid, they are overworked and do not have the time to learn about the intricacies of different admissions systems across the UK and the globe. This puts some students at a significant disadvantage, or at least a perceived one, which is just as harmful.

Cambridge itself has additional steps to take in order to get through the admissions process, including interviews and assessments, when added to an earlier deadline, this puts off many talented individuals from applying to university.

This guide aims to help demystify what Cambridge expects from a personal statement, but is also useful for anyone trying to get to grips with writing one for any university, and will allow students to hopefully engage with wider reading so they can truly see what they want to study.

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Successful Personal Statement For Natural Science (Physical) At Cambridge

Last Updated: 12th April 2022

Author: Chloe Hewitt

• Natural Sciences

Table of Contents

Welcome to our popular Personal Statement series where we present a successful Personal Statement, and our Oxbridge Tutors provide their feedback on it. 

Today, we are looking through a Natural Science applicant’s Personal Statement that helped secure a place at Cambridge University. The Natural Science Course at Cambridge is a unique and demanding course focused on blurring the boundaries between the different fields of science. 

Read on to see how this candidate wrote a Personal Statement that helped secure their place on a reputable degree. 

Here’s a breakdown of the Personal Statement:

SUCCESSFUL?

The universities this candidate applied to were the following:

Enrolling on our Cambridge Natural Science comprehensive Programme will give you access to Personal Statement redrafts. 

Your tutor will give you actionable feedback with insider tips on how to improve and make your Personal Statement Oxbridge quality for the best chances of success.  

Natural Science (Physical) Personal Statement

The more I discover about physics, the less I realise that I know, and the keener I am to further explore unfamiliar topics at university. Studying areas such as special relativity and quantum mechanics have made me question concepts I took as given, such as the nature and manipulation of time and the degree of certainty to which we can truly know anything.

My particular interest in physics was sparked when I read an article on quantum physics, and was introduced to a simple description of the fundamental constituents of matter. This led me to read further about particle physics. I particularly enjoyed Brian Greene’s The Elegant Universe, which gave me a brief insight into the intricacies of string theory, and The Feynman Lectures on Physics, from which I learnt new mechanics and probability theory. I watch lectures on the MIT website, read New Scientist and am a junior member of the IoP to further my knowledge of new scientific developments. I enjoyed visiting CERN last year and learning more about the experiments conducted there. I have also competed in national challenges to develop my thinking skills further, achieving bronze in the Physics Olympiad, silver in the Cambridge Chemistry Challenge and gold in the Senior Maths Challenge. Additionally, this year I won the school leavers’ physics prize.

Last summer I attended a residential Headstart physics course at the University of Leicester, and spent three days at the Debate Chamber physics school. I enjoyed performing undergraduate experiments, and was particularly interested by the lectures on recent developments in nanotechnology and the ways in which nanoparticles could be used to destroy cancerous cells in the body. I also had a tantalising glimpse of some of the complex mathematics behind General Relativity, and would love to study this intricate topic in more detail. These experiences confirmed my love of physics as well as increasing my appreciation of more complicated subjects not covered by my A Level courses. Furthermore, they helped to develop my skills in processing new information and quickly adapting to unfamiliar concepts.

I recently took part in an extended-essay competition at school, producing an independently researched piece of work on the superluminal neutrinos apparently found in 2011. I focused on the impossibility of faster-than-light travel according to special relativity, and the implications for time travel the discovery would have had if the measurements had been correct. This gave me the chance to explore further a subject I was interested in but had not studied at school. I researched my essay by reading scientific journals and textbooks, and speaking to scientists I met at physics events.

I will shortly begin a paid internship at Hildebrand Technology Ltd, where I will be using mathematical modelling of real life situations for statistical analysis. This will be an opportunity to apply mathematical techniques I have learnt in school to more complex problems. This placement, along with self-studying university textbooks and extra further maths modules, will ensure that I maintain and expand my maths skills and scientific knowledge during my gap year.

In my final year I was captain of the school Boat Club. I have rowed in the top senior boat since I was 15, and in 2013 I won silver at National Schools and gold at Schools Head. This sport has involved intensive training, which demands self-discipline and commitment. I love music, and take part in many close harmony groups and choirs, as well as taking grades in musical theatre, singing and piano. My music and sport, along with lifeguarding and weekly volunteering at a local primary school, have allowed me to develop my time management skills and use the time I have for work efficiently and productively.

I am a hardworking and intellectually curious student and am excited by the prospect of developing my mathematical skills and studying physics at a more advanced level at university.

For more inspiration, take a look through our other successful Personal Statement a nalysis articles:

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Good Points Of The Personal Statement

This is a very good statement. The statement is well structured, and the student’s motivation to study physics is clear. All points are explained clearly, and experiences expanded on. The student uses examples beyond their A-level studies to explain their desire to study physics, which comes across very well to the reader.

Bad Points Of The Personal Statement

The student forgets to use quotation marks around the names of books etc., and also ‘the’ before ‘New Scientist’. Whilst these are rudimentary errors, a simple proof-read would have found these. The main issue with this statement is its length. There are eight paragraphs in total.  By the penultimate paragraph it is clear enough that the student has done many physics-related extra-curricular activities. The quality of the statement will not be reduced if it is shortened.  The student does not explain acronyms, e.g. ‘IoP’. Some sentences can be shortened in order to save space, e.g. ‘I have also competed in national challenges to develop my thinking skills further, achieving bronze in the Physics Olympiad, silver in the Cambridge Chemistry Challenge and gold in the Senior Maths Challenge’ can be shortened to ‘I have also competed in national challenges to develop my thinking skills further, achieving bronze, silver and gold medals in the Physics Olympiad, Cambridge Chemistry and Senior Maths Challenges respectively’.

UniAdmissions Overall Score:

In general, this is a very good statement. It is well written, and the student’s motivation to study physics at university is clear from the very beginning. Due to the length of the statement, it is quite cumbersome to read. With some shortening, this would be a compact and powerful statement.

This Personal Statement for Natural Science is a solid example of demonstrating a wealth of knowledge, motivation and interest, vital to Admissions Tutors.

Remember, at Cambridge, these Admissions Tutors are often the people who will be teaching you for the next few years, so you need to appeal directly to them.

Check out our other successful personal statements and our expert guides on our Free Personal Statement Resources page.

Our expert tutors are on hand to help you craft the perfect Personal Statement for your Cambridge Natural Science application.

With our  Cambridge Natural Science Premium Programme, we help you craft the perfect Personal   Statement , perform strongly on the Admissions Test  and teach you how to  Interview effectively .

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Before applying, applicants need to check that they have, or are likely to achieve, the right grades at the right level and in the right subjects for the course they have chosen. See Entry requirements for general requirements of entry.

It's important that students also check the requirements of their course, as these can vary slightly between Colleges. For example, some Colleges might ask for an A* in a particular subject. Please encourage students to check the course page for their chosen subject carefully - all variations are listed there.

All undergraduate admissions decisions are the responsibility of the Cambridge Colleges. Queries about College-specific requirements should be directed to the relevant College admissions office .

Submitted work

For some courses, applicants may be asked to submit examples of written work produced during their A level/IB (or equivalent) course. This work might be discussed during their interview so students should submit work they’re happy to discuss. They should also keep copies of anything they send so they can re-read it in preparation.

Details of which Colleges require submitted work are included on each course page. Please check the entry requirements tab. The submitted work requirements for some courses may vary by College so students should check the entry requirements tab before applying.

If submitted work is required, the College will advise the student on exactly what is needed, and where and when it should be sent. The deadline is usually mid-November. If an applicant has any queries, they should contact their College’s Admissions Office for clarification.

Students will need to complete a cover sheet confirming that the written work is their own and detailing the circumstances in which it was written. They will also be asked to provide the name of a teacher who can be contacted about the work, if necessary.

Helping students with their personal statement

Personal statements allow students to tell us about their subject interest, and the process of writing a personal statement can often help a student better understand their academic interests and intellectual motivations. For guidance on what to include, we advise you to follow the UCAS advice on personal statements . See also, our article on How to write a great personal statement .

Admissions decisions at Cambridge are based solely on academic criteria (ability and potential). Personal statements may be  used as a basis for discussion at interview.  In a personal statement we are looking for applicants to:

• explain their reasons for wanting to study the subject
• demonstrate their enthusiasm for and commitment to their chosen course
• express any particular interests within the field
• outline how they have pursued their interest in the subject in their own time

How important are extra-curricular activities?

Our admissions decisions are based on academic criteria (ability and potential) and we expect to see evidence of students’ wider engagement with areas of academic interest, such as reading and other exploration relevant to the course for which they've applied. Extra-curricular activities which are of no relevance to the course will not increase a student's chances of receiving an offer. 

If, however, particular extra-curricular activities have enable a student to develop transferable skills, such as organisation or time management, then these can be included in their personal statement. Such activities might include significant caring responsibilities or paid employment, which can help us fully contextualise an application, as well as sport, physical activity, music, drama and volunteering.

Cambridge-specific comments

Applicants can make additional comments relevant to their Cambridge application in their additional questionnaire ( My Cambridge Application ), for instance to highlight particular features of the Cambridge course that attracted them.

This additional personal statement is optional, applicants will not be disadvantaged if they have nothing to add and should be advised not to repeat information they provided in their UCAS personal statement as we will have already received a copy of this.

Helping students prepare for their interview

Interviews are discussion-based, and predominantly academic and subject-related, so applicants will be asked questions:

• that are relevant to the course they applied for
• about the information provided in the written elements of their application

You can help students prepare by encouraging them to talk with confidence and enthusiasm about their subject and wider interests. A mock interview can be helpful to give the experience of expressing ideas and opinions in response to unknown questions. Students are not expected to have ready-prepared answers; indeed, over-rehearsed answers can be counterproductive if students are preoccupied with recalling set speeches on general topics rather than listening to the interviewers’ questions and responding accordingly.

Students should be encouraged to read broadly in the areas of their A level/IB Higher Level (or equivalent) subjects and must be prepared to think quite hard in their interviews but should be reminded that often there are no right or wrong answers to the questions they are asked. It is the process of reaching their answer that is generally of most significance, rather than the answer itself.

It is important for applicants to realise that interviewers will not be trying to ‘catch them out’, but will be challenging them to think and show how they can apply their existing knowledge and skills laterally to less familiar problems.

It is also important for students to understand that their performance at interview alone does not determine the outcome of their application. Admissions decisions are made holistically, taking all available information into account.

You should encourage your students to check the information and short films on our interviews pages so they can make sure they are fully prepared and know what to expect, well in advance of their interview date. 

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10 Top Tips for a Cambridge Geography Personal Statement

Your Cambridge personal statement is a crucial component in your university application as it gives you a chance to articulate why you’re particularly interested in Geography and to distinguish yourself from other applicants. Additionally, it offers the Cambridge interviewer a focal point to base discussions about your personality, interests and deduce your commitment to Geography. To help guide you through the process, our Cambridge application experts have compiled a list of top 10 tips for everything you should do and not do for your Oxbridge Geography Personal Statement for the Cambridge 2024/25 application cycle. 

Table of Contents

Geography is a course that focuses on some of the biggest challenges facing our planet, from food security, climate and biodiversity emergencies to pandemics and globalisation, and social inequalities and urbanisation to volcanoes and melting ice sheets. Your Geography personal statement could demonstrate the link between these domains and more. Moreover, when planning out your personal statement, make sure you research Cambridge’s achievements in the field of Geography and include it into your writing to illustrate your interest in studying Geography at Cambridge. For example, the department holds themselves to a high academic standard and many graduates are employed the year after graduation.

Almost all Cambridge colleges that admit undergraduates will accept applications for Geography. The current exception is Peterhouse College. Newnham College and Murray Edwards College only accept applications from women. Wolfson College , Hughes Hall College and St Edmund’s College only admit students who are over 21 at the time the course starts. In some years, certain Colleges have more Geography students than others, but the pattern fluctuates from year to year. 

Cambridge no longer requires Geography applicants to complete a pre-interview assessment. However, some Cambridge colleges may ask applicants who are invited to an interview to submit one or two examples of your written work from a relevant A Level/IB (or equivalent) course. Therefore, your geography personal statement is essential in making a god first impression on admissions tutors. We’re here to help, whether it’s through a cambridge geography personal statement check or reading on for our top tips.

Top 5 Tips for a Cambridge Geography Personal Statement

Tell your story.

Think about what drew you to study Geography at Cambridge in the first place. What skills or experience do you have that are worth mentioning? Cambridge admissions tutors are looking out for personal experiences against a high academic background. Consider your future career plans, extra-curricular work, and why you chose to study at Cambridge over all other universities.

What makes you suitable

In your personal statement, you must demonstrate what sets you apart from all other aspiring Geographers. Since Geography is such a multi-disciplinary subject, there are many things to mention from globalisation, to inequalities, to wealth divide and more. Remember to mention what interests you about Geography and any relevant skills or experience you have. This can range from extra reading to travelling, to academic skills. 

Read around the subject you’re applying for

Since the competition at Cambridge University is so great, demonstrating you have undertaken extra-curricular work will benefit your personal statement. Examples include readings in topics within Geography that interest you, for example, urbanisation or the wealth gap. Click here for a list of books published by Cambridge University for ideal reading.

Proof read & read aloud your work

Once you’re happy with the content of your draft, check it, check it and check it again! Useful people to ask to proofread your work include a teacher in the field, a current Cambridge student, and a student who is studying Geography. By allowing people to take a look at your statement, they would be able to pick up mistakes or name improvements that you may have missed.

Why Geography

Since Geography is such a varied subject, write a little bit about what stimulated your interest, and consider the careers this degree will present to you. Most students end up working in varied careers, such as business, marketing and human resources, according to the Cambridge website.

Top 5 things to AVOID for your Cambridge Geography Personal Statement

Writing a list of achievements.

Don’t list things without expanding on them. It’s better to list fewer experiences but to expand upon what you learnt from those experiences. Make sure you link back to studying a degree in Geography as it will show Cambridge admissions tutors you have insight into what the degree will entail.

Don’t write anything that isn’t true

Don’t exaggerate. You may be asked to provide evidence of your stated achievements, or if you are interviewed you may be asked detailed questions about things you’ve mentioned. It will reflect poorly on you if you are caught out or if you are unable to answer questions about your personal statement.

Copying someone else’s personal statements

Don’t plagiarise. While you can look at geography personal statement examples, do not copy someone else’s UCAS personal statement or use something you have found on the internet. UCAS uses software to check every personal statement for plagiarism. If you are caught, your application will not be seen as genuine or authentic. 

Not reflecting on or justifying your point

Explain points without repeating yourself. Expand on how you’ve acquired certain skills and why they’re important. Examples include, data collection and analytical skills. Remember, quality is always better than quantity- it’s better to expand on a few points than to list every point you can without going into detail.

Don’t sound unprofessional

Steer clear of slang, clichés and quotes. It will sound repetitive to Cambridge admissions tutors to hear about how students are “passionate” about their subject or that they have a “thirst for knowledge”. Write about your personal experience with your Geography journey, and allow the Cambridge admissions tutor to do the rest.

→ What is a Cambridge Geography Personal Statement?

A Cambridge Geography Personal Statement is a written statement that accompanies a university application to study geography at the University of Cambridge. The personal statement is an opportunity for the candidate to showcase their academic achievements, interests, and passion for geography.

→What should be included in a Cambridge Geography Personal Statement?

A Cambridge Geography Personal Statement should include the candidate’s academic achievements, their relevant work experience, any relevant extracurricular activities or hobbies, and their passion for geography. The statement should also highlight the candidate’s interest in the course and their future career aspirations.

→How long should a Cambridge Geography Personal Statement be?

A Cambridge Geography Personal Statement should be no longer than 4,000 characters or 47 lines of text, whichever comes first. This includes spaces and punctuation.

→How important is it to proofread my personal statement?

Proofreading your personal statement is extremely important as it shows attention to detail and a commitment to presenting your best work. It is recommended that you read your personal statement out loud to catch any errors or awkward phrasing.

→What are some common mistakes to avoid in a Cambridge Geography Personal Statement?

Common mistakes to avoid in a Cambridge Geography Personal Statement include making general statements without providing specific examples, using cliches, copying or plagiarizing content, being too informal or using inappropriate language, and not proofreading thoroughly.

→Why is the personal statement important for a Cambridge geography application?

The personal statement is an important component of a Cambridge geography application because it allows the admissions team to assess the candidate’s suitability for the course. The personal statement also provides an opportunity for the candidate to demonstrate their motivation and passion for the subject.

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Personal Statement Examples: Singapore Students Admitted to Top UK and US Universities

Personal statements are an essential aspect of each application. It helps demonstrate your academic interests and passion, highlight your relevant experiences, and showcase your unique identity. However, the approach is different for universities in the UK and US and knowing these differences is vital when preparing your personal statement. To guide you, we’ve included several successful personal statements and sought the expertise of Jamie Beaton , CEO of Crimson Education, to review and analyse these essays. Jamie Beaton was accepted into all 25 of the world’s top universities including Harvard, Yale, Stanford, and Cambridge. Read on to discover what makes a strong personal statement!

How important is the personal statement?

The key thing to note with your personal statement is that it’s your chance to convey something else about yourself in your application . It’s an opportunity to sell yourself and connect with the admissions officer that is reading your essay!

If you’re applying to the UK , your personal statement should illustrate your skills and expertise in the chosen field while emphasising your passion and commitment for it . A UK personal statement is typically more academically-focused and universities are primarily interested in your academic achievements and a genuine demonstration of interest in the selected courses.

For the US , your essay should adopt a more personal and introspective angle and highlight areas like your personal growth, intellectual curiosity, and leadership development . Here, there is greater room for storytelling and creativity and it should portray a more holistic view of yourself.

Applications to both countries are made on two separate platforms: UCAS for the UK and Common Application or the university’s own platform for the US. Be sure to check out their respective websites for further information about the personal statement.

The UK personal statement

A good UK personal statement is direct and precise and it should show that the student is well prepared to study in their chosen discipline. Since the UK places a strong emphasis on your academics, try to include examples which are impactful and relevant. Your extracurricular activities, readings, and accomplishments should ideally be relevant to your chosen discipline.

With a 4,000 character limit , it’s important to strategise and remain factual and straightforward. It’s easy to lose focus in your essay as UCAS personal statements are typically open-ended with no prompts provided. As such, refrain from listing all your achievements and activities and instead dive deep into your academic journey.

Successful personal statements from students in Singapore admitted to top UK universities

Uk essay #1.

Undergoing treatment for my impacted maxillary canine tooth gave me a profound appreciation for dentistry. As I was treated by a multi-disciplinary team, I witnessed their skilfulness during each treatment stage, ultimately saving my tooth and relieving my jaw-aches. Gaining an anterior tooth in my dental arch also improved my self-esteem. The relationships I formed with each member of the team were meaningful, and I realised that as a dentist, I too, could improve patients' oral and mental health, developing similar connections.

Inspired to learn more about dentistry, I shadowed Dr. Shahul Hameed, an experienced general dentist. I observed the maintenance of a dental implant - the planning, execution and patient management. Curious to learn more about implant dentistry, I read up on the fundamentals of dental implants; principles of osseointegration and factors that influence the treatment plan, such as the load-bearing capacity of the implant compared to occlusal forces. Fascinated by dental sciences, I attended 'Discover Dentistry', a course by Sheffield University, where I learnt about current research, such as using cultured cells to assess biocompatibility of prostheses, giving me insight into the exciting future of dentistry. This spurred me to do my own research on the oral health status of the elderly living in care facilities globally. Having learnt about their poor oral health, measured using indices like the O'Leary Plaque and DMFT index, it was interesting to discover how this would greatly improve with routine care.

Another memorable experience involved Dr. Shahul extracting a wisdom tooth from a nervous patient. He explained the treatment plan concisely, making clear the possible risks before gaining her consent, in line with GDC principle 3. Upon completing the procedure, he congratulated her, demonstrating genuine care for the patient. Seeking to emulate his empathy and communication skills, I volunteered with Dementia Singapore. One event involved teaching elderly dementia patients to make lanterns using red packets. Overcoming the language barrier between us, I spoke in both English and Tamil, being understanding and displaying a flexible approach to communication. Currently being in National Service, which I will complete in 2025, I learnt how to provide first aid and CPR, improving my effective communication in emergency situations. Furthermore, I researched 'capgras syndrome,' a mental condition causing delusional misidentifications of people, for an arts competition, Destination Imagination. Acting out its symptoms made me more empathetic towards individuals with health conditions.

I also led a data analytics project, using machine learning to predict the virality of YouTube videos. This involved organising meetings and delegating tasks to my team based on their strengths, ensuring our project's progress. Such leadership skills are vital in managing a dental team. Using machine learning prompted me to consider its potential role in dentistry, in predicting the efficacy of treatments using digitally-stored patient data. I am intrigued about how this relates to patient confidentiality and how to balance patient beneficence with patient data protection. Moreover, I honed my manual dexterity skills by playing fingerstyle guitar pieces in my school's guitar ensemble. I also upload guitar covers online, garnering thousands of views. Additionally, I enjoy solving Rubik's cubes and participate in competitions. Recognising patterns during solves improved my focus - and such attention to detail is needed throughout dental procedures, to ensure successful treatments.

Dentistry is a complex field which requires technical skills and qualities like leadership and communication. Being treated by the skilled dental team has instilled in me fervour for wanting to learn more and mirror their expertise in the future.

Why this essay worked

• Personal Experience and Inspiration: This essay immediately captures the reader's attention with a personal anecdote. The candidate's own experience with dental treatment not only sparked their interest in dentistry but also provided a deep, genuine appreciation for the field. This makes their motivation to pursue dentistry feel authentic and compelling. The detailed account of how their treatment improved their self-esteem shows a personal connection and understanding of the impact dentists can have on their patients' lives.
• Demonstrated Commitment and Exploration: The candidate goes beyond expressing interest; they have actively pursued opportunities to learn more about dentistry. Shadowing Dr. Shahul Hameed and attending the 'Discover Dentistry' course at Sheffield University are concrete examples of their proactive approach. They’ve also engaged in self-directed research on oral health among the elderly, demonstrating intellectual curiosity and a commitment to contributing to the field. This level of initiative is precisely what we look for in candidates who will thrive in a rigorous academic environment.
• Broad Skill Set and Reflective Insight: What stands out is the breadth of skills and experiences the candidate brings. From volunteering with dementia patients to leading a data analytics project and playing guitar, they showcase a range of abilities that are valuable in dentistry. The ability to communicate effectively, demonstrate empathy, lead a team, and possess fine motor skills are all essential qualities for a successful dentist. Moreover, the candidate reflects on how each experience has contributed to their personal growth and how these skills are relevant to their future career. This reflection shows maturity and a deep understanding of the multifaceted nature of dentistry.

UK Essay #2

Throughout my upbringing, I have seen the different cultural traditions of the US, UK, and Singapore; it has been captivating to compare the different focal points from US individualism to collectivism in Singapore. I also explored issues faced by Muslims in America while placing first in a writing competition. Societies are critical in either acting as barriers or support mechanisms, and I am intrigued by the interplay between sociology and the world we have collectively crafted.

Living in a variety of cultures, I have found it compelling to understand how we have been shaped by the cultural patterns and social principles in which we have lived. This has inspired me to explore social action theory. This was fascinating to apply to my own life as I have observed how Singaporeans have used their work ethic and collectivist values to promote 'Tiger Parenting'. Intrigued by the difference in parenting methods between Western and Asian cultures, I engaged with the scholarship of Max Weber's concept that we should interpret the lived experiences of others subjectively rather than objectively, prompting me to further explore the world around us.

I completed the 'Social Context of Mental Health' course at the University of Toronto, and gained insights into the interplay between social contexts and their impact on mental health. This has deepened my understanding of how family, infrastructure, and culture are critical to healthcare. Comparing the traditional values that impeded accessibility to healthcare in the collectivist Asian culture and the Western focus on mental health was fascinating.

Subsequently, I read 'The History of Psychiatry in India' by S. Haque Nizamie, where it can be seen that the Atharva-Veda in ancient Vedic India suggested that mental illness might be linked to divine curses, sin, and witchcraft. The establishment of mental hospitals and more humane approaches were influenced by British psychiatry during the early colonial period. I reflected on the delicate balance required to achieve an optimal societal structure that fosters an individual's mental well-being without jeopardising the rich culture that defines communities.

I am working on a research project with a Ph.D. professor to explore gender performance and what it means to 'do' gender in diverse social contexts. Gender roles are critical in shaping identities and social structures with stereotypes also impacting the experiences of social groups; often, the traditional norms and inequalities make social change seem unattainable. I have explored how gender norms are socially constructed and enforced. I applied this to the motorsport industry, which is traditionally dominated by masculine ideals. Perceived gender roles have affected the perception of female racers, thereby shaping their experiences and limiting their opportunities; in other words, there is a complex interaction between societal expectations, gender norms, and individual experiences. I hope to continue contributing to this discourse, and create positive change.

I have worked as part of the corporate communications team in Singapore's largest real estate company, where I have focused on connecting with a specific part of society by developing articles and podcasts for Gen Z. Beyond this, I was a school prefect and mentor during my A Levels, and aimed to support students academically. I am a passionate dancer having won the East England Grand Final Championships, and I was a captain of a dance team for five years.

Sociology uniquely offers insight into the root causes of issues, namely the challenge of inequality, systematic injustice, and the unravelling of social structures. I hope to pave the way for a more equitable future and challenge ingrained norms by studying this degree. To undertake challenges affecting the twenty-first century, one must have a fundamental understanding of sociology; it informs and dictates the world around us, setting the course and boundaries for change.

• Rich Cultural Perspective and Personal Connection: This essay stands out due to the student's rich cultural experiences in the US, UK, and Singapore. The ability to draw comparisons between individualism and collectivism, along with a personal engagement in social issues like Muslim experiences in America, gives a genuine and insightful perspective. This multicultural background provides a strong foundation for studying sociology and demonstrates a deep personal connection to the subject matter.
• Intellectual Curiosity and Academic Engagement: The student's proactive approach to learning is evident through their completion of the 'Social Context of Mental Health' course at the University of Toronto and their independent reading of 'The History of Psychiatry in India.' This shows a clear commitment to understanding complex sociological concepts and their real-world applications. Additionally, their involvement in a research project on gender performance with a Ph.D. professor highlights a high level of academic engagement and a desire to contribute to scholarly discourse.
• Diverse Extracurricular Involvement and Leadership: The student's extracurricular activities, including working in corporate communications, being a school prefect and mentor, and excelling in dance, demonstrate a well-rounded individual with strong leadership skills. These experiences not only showcase their ability to connect with various social groups but also highlight their dedication to supporting others and fostering community. The blend of academic and extracurricular achievements paints a picture of a dynamic and motivated candidate, well-suited for a sociology degree.

UK Essay #3

When my younger brother was born with Sacrococcygeal Teratoma (SCT), I was told that he was born with a “bunny tail” on his bottom. When I saw the teratoma, the fantasy of having a half-bunny, half-human brother quickly faded, but my curiosity grew. In studying Biomedical Sciences, I hope to feed my childhood curiosity by deepening my knowledge of how the body works, and how it fails. I aspire to connect this knowledge to congenital disorders such as SCT having seen the health and self-esteem issues it can cause. This has inspired me to go further in my acquisition of knowledge and its real-world application.

Research suggests SCT arises from the incomplete migration of primordial germ cells from the yolk sac to the gonadal ridges during embryogenesis. Other sources state that SCT may be due to the failure of the Hensen’s node to regress or due to the residual totipotent stem cells from the Hensen’s node. While ultrasound, amniocentesis or chorionic villus sampling can be used to visualise and diagnose congenital disorders, it is difficult to elucidate abnormal gastrulation, for example, as it occurs very early on in pregnancy. This, along with the multifactorial nature of congenital disorders, impedes on the understanding of conditions that manifest during foetal development. It is this ambiguity that compels me to use my Biomedical education to help further the understanding of congenital disorders like SCT.

I decided to investigate the emerging research on the interplay between our microbiome and health in my Extended Essay (EE). Initially, I wanted to explore the topic of the skin microbiome using biological models. It was difficult to replicate the conditions of the human skin microbiome, but these challenges motivated me to be more creative and proactive in my experimental design. For example, I tried to measure the difference in turbidity between L. casei, B. subtilis, and a solution containing both species, to model the relationship between the commensal skin bacteria S. aureus and S. epidermidis. While this trial did not yield conclusive data, I gained valuable knowledge such as learning the aseptic technique, alongside personal growth through discovering the importance of maintaining morale and motivation through failed trials, developing my independence as a scientist. Additionally, through my EE process, I discovered a passion for research and was fascinated by Zhang et al’s study into the role L. acidophilus S-layer proteins play in the inhibition of pathogenic E. coli. Some of the techniques used by Zhang et al to explore this were gel electrophoresis and mass spectrometry, which I had learnt about in my IB biology and chemistry courses. I had previously only associated these techniques with limited applications such as DNA separation and relative atomic mass. To see their use in a sophisticated manner alongside more complex methods was inspiring. I look forward to cultivating my laboratory skills and becoming proficient in conducting research; allowing me to delve deeper into my understanding of the intricacies within the human body.

I am also passionate about fitness and enjoy applying my knowledge of muscle contraction, the cardiac system, and the muscular system to my fitness journey. In October 2023, I competed in my first endurance fitness race, Hyrox, where I was the youngest of 3500 participants. This pushed me to my limits in the best way, as sticking to a strict training plan while doing the IB was challenging, but showed me the value of consistency, hard work, and teamwork. While I appreciate the rigour of science, I also enjoy learning Spanish, playing the piano, and cooking for friends and family. I hope studying Biomedical Sciences not only fuels my interest in understanding our bodies but also enables me to contribute to its broad positive impact on human health.

• Personal Connection and Clear Motivation: This essay excels in establishing a strong personal connection to the field of Biomedical Sciences through the story of the student’s brother born with Sacrococcygeal Teratoma (SCT). The vivid and heartfelt description of the brother's condition and its impact on the family provides a compelling narrative that clearly motivates the student’s interest in congenital disorders. This personal anecdote not only makes the essay relatable but also highlights the student's deep-rooted passion for understanding and addressing health issues.
• Research Experience and Intellectual Curiosity: The student’s detailed account of their Extended Essay (EE) on the microbiome demonstrates a high level of intellectual curiosity and a proactive approach to research. The discussion of experimental design challenges and the use of techniques like gel electrophoresis and mass spectrometry shows a sophisticated understanding of scientific methods. The ability to connect classroom knowledge to real-world applications, despite setbacks, reflects resilience and a genuine enthusiasm for scientific inquiry. This depth of research experience and commitment to learning is highly impressive.
• Well-Roundedness and Diverse Interests: Beyond academic pursuits, the student showcases a well-rounded personality through their passion for fitness, languages, music, and cooking. Competing in the Hyrox endurance race while managing IB studies highlights qualities such as determination, time management, and teamwork. These extracurricular activities illustrate a balanced and dynamic individual who not only excels in scientific endeavours but also values physical health, cultural engagement, and community. This diverse set of interests and skills makes the student a well-rounded candidate, poised to contribute meaningfully to the field of Biomedical Sciences and beyond.

The US personal statement

A strong US personal statement should provide a unique window into the student’s identity and personality . It helps the university understand who the student is holistically through their experiences, goals, and values. Thus, it’s important to include the experiences that reflect your core beliefs and how they have changed you. Reflecting genuinely and writing authentically is key with a US personal statement.

A 650-word limit is typically imposed on US essays, and you will be required to address a specific prompt . Additionally, most competitive universities also require the submission of supplemental essays . They are meant to support your application and give the admissions officer a deeper understanding of you. It’s important to treat the supplemental essay with the same dedication as your personal statement as they can also influence the admission decision. The word limit for the supplemental essays varies by university, typically ranging from a few words to 650 or more words .

Successful personal statements from students in Singapore admitted to top US universities

For the following essays, observe how their approach is different from a UCAS personal statement.

US Essay #1

The sickening smell of chrysanthemums mixed with incense made me nauseous. I stared at the white pearl placed precariously on my great-grandmother's lips, and tried to identify her through her embalmed face.

It was the 31st of July. I was sixteen, and this was my first time at a funeral wake.

It was in an open space, on a windy day, and I felt suffocated.

Leaving the altar, I joined a sea of faces foreign yet so familiar: distant cousins, uncles, relatives that were my age. We shared the same eyes, but I could not remember ever seeing them.

Suddenly, I was startled by joyous sounds. It was unmistakable — someone was laughing. At a funeral? That can't be right. Looking up, I saw my relatives cracking jokes while folding Joss paper. I was bewildered. How could they still laugh in grief? Curious, I joined them.

They were folding gold ingots from Joss paper, spirit currency at Chinese funerals. I, their new recruit, was handed a stack. Following the movements of my relatives, I kept pace. As we folded the Joss paper in unison, my reservations of displaying anything other than grief subsided. I sensed a tinge of sadness from everyone at the table, and realized they were joking around not because of their lack of sensitivity, but rather because of their empathy. We all shared the same grief that threatened to consume us, so why not share the burden?

We put our despondency into those sheets of paper and shaped them into gifts for offering. The jokes and laughter continued as we filled bag after bag with the paper gold ingots, and I found myself joining in their conversation, consoled by the hopeful atmosphere amidst a somber day. As per tradition, we burned the filled bags. I watched the flames of renewal eat up our hours of labor and consume along with it the worst of our sorrow. The dancing flames were laughing at death, stealing the spotlight in the ballad of goodbyes. Despite all the smoke, I could finally breathe better than before.

"Zai jian," I said with a smile when the fire finally died. In Mandarin, zai means 'again' and jian means 'meet'. When put together they express goodbye but simultaneously imply hope of future encounters. I knew that there would be more of such.

The sweet smell of chrysanthemums now reminds me of new beginnings. Just as the funeral wake brought my family closer than ever, I understood from this experience that goodbyes could also allow for new connections. I later found out that the pearl I had seen on my late great-grandmother's lips symbolizes rebirth: just as the oyster goes through a process of transformation to create the pearl, the memories we have made can grow into something beautiful and valuable. Although I did not realize this before, goodbyes were not any indication of the end, but rather a necessary prelude to metamorphosis.

• Engaging and Vivid Narrative: This essay immediately captures attention with its vivid and sensory-rich descriptions, starting with the "sickening smell of chrysanthemums mixed with incense." The detailed portrayal of the funeral wake, from the sight of the embalmed face to the act of folding Joss paper, immerses the reader in the experience. This narrative style not only makes the essay compelling but also showcases the student’s ability to convey complex emotions and scenes effectively.
• Cultural Insight and Personal Growth: The essay offers a deep dive into the student’s cultural heritage, providing a nuanced understanding of Chinese funeral traditions. The student’s initial confusion about laughter at a funeral and their subsequent realisation about empathy and shared grief highlight significant personal growth. This transformation from bewilderment to acceptance and understanding illustrates maturity and a capacity for introspection, which are essential traits for a college applicant.
• Reflective and Symbolic Conclusion: The conclusion of the essay beautifully ties the entire experience together by reflecting on the symbolism of the pearl and the concept of "zai jian." This reflective insight about goodbyes being a prelude to new beginnings and metamorphosis adds depth to the narrative. The student’s ability to find hope and beauty in a traditionally sombre event demonstrates resilience and an optimistic outlook on life, making this essay both memorable and impactful.

US Essay #2

“And the award goes to...”

My eyes were glued to my computer screen, and my heart was pounding in my chest. Could we do it? Did we do it?

“Team Quasar!”

Allow me to tell you a story of the last few months of the year 2020. Those few months would launch me into the endless space of ideas and possibilities.

It was the Singapore Space Challenge 2021. Teams were required to design a lunar rover mission. It was a highly demanding competition that needed a technical understanding of engineering and space, not to mention the incredibly heavy workload of making a 50-page report and 10-minute video within a few months. Space engineering was completely new to me and my team, and the other teams were mostly university students who were experts in the field. Could we really do it? Are we even qualified for this? I was captivated by the possibilities the challenge could open up, but I second-guessed myself over and over again.

“You know what? Let’s do it.”

And so my team and I signed up for the Singapore Space Challenge 2021.

Over the course of the competition, we were stumbling on our feet. We scoured the internet for research reports and videos to learn about space engineering, from the structure of rover wheels to lunar lander modules. We couldn’t come up with anything that satisfied our high expectations for ourselves, though. So my team and I decided to take a step back. We were at a disadvantage because we knew little about engineering. We were only fifteen, after all.

But what if we turned this constraint into an opportunity? Our lack of experience in the field meant that we weren’t restricted by preconceived notions of what should and shouldn’t be. We could take lots of liberties in technicalities. We could sell a creative idea that takes inspiration from nature to demonstrate its conceptual suitability for its task of excavation. So, we went back to the drawing board. We went back and forth with all sorts of ideas until one of us said the word “worm”. Everyone went quiet but our eyes lit up.

We then came up with our award-winning idea: the lunar excavation worm.

We stopped questioning whether something would work without giving it a try, and went crazy with what our worm could do. Turning ice on the Moon to rocket fuel? Sounds fun! Making it do backflips to climb hills? Let’s do it!

The deadline was approaching, and it was time to get serious. We put our strengths of research, designing and writing together to design a full-fledged robotic worm. After 3 weeks of intense work, we submitted our entry with satisfaction, hope, and inspiration.

When the organizers announced that our team won the Women in STEM Award, I jumped from my seat and screamed. Our WhatsApp group flooded with exclamations in capital letters.

I took away so many lessons those few months. I learned that we should never give up on something because we think we’re not good enough. Instead of asking “why”, how about asking “why not”? Instead of undermining our potential by comparing ourselves to others, why not leverage our own talents to create something that is uniquely ours?

Inspired by our achievement, my team and I continued to take part in similar competitions, coming up with various project ideas from biology experiments in space to autonomous delivery systems.

But what could our ideas do if they just stayed on paper? Physically building a rover is certainly no easy feat, but by combining our knowledge and expertise we could learn in college, I believe we could really bring our beloved worm to life. I hope that by continuing to innovate and create, I will be able to make some contribution, no matter how small, to the scientific community, or to the betterment of people’s lives.

• Engaging Storytelling and Clear Passion: This essay immediately grabs attention with the suspenseful opening about winning an award, which draws the reader into the narrative. The detailed recounting of the Singapore Space Challenge 2021 is both engaging and inspirational, showcasing the student’s journey from doubt to triumph. This storytelling approach not only makes the essay memorable but also highlights the student’s ability to overcome challenges and achieve remarkable success through perseverance and creativity.
• Creative Problem-Solving and Teamwork: The student’s description of how their team transformed constraints into opportunities by leveraging their unique perspective is impressive. The innovative idea of the "lunar excavation worm" and the decision to draw inspiration from nature demonstrate a high level of creativity and problem-solving skills. Additionally, the essay emphasises the importance of teamwork, collaboration, and the ability to adapt and think outside the box, which are crucial skills in any field, especially in engineering and science.
• Reflection and Future Aspirations: The reflective insights gained from the competition, such as asking "why not" instead of "why" and leveraging one’s own talents, reveal a mature and growth-oriented mindset. The student’s aspiration to bring their ideas to life and contribute to the scientific community underscores a strong sense of purpose and ambition. This forward-looking perspective, combined with a proven track record of success in challenging environments, makes the student a compelling candidate for any academic program.

US Essay #3

“Nam-myo-ho-renge-kyo”

The chant gave the funeral a more somber tone. As I said my goodbyes to my grandmother, Obaba, and looked back on her life, I took comfort in knowing that the important lessons that she taught me will continue to guide me. I remembered the same soft melodious chant reverberating around Obaba’s prayer room. Just Obaba and I in this haven of peace. I was five years old, sitting attentively on the tatami mat next to her, chanting Lotus Sutra, a Buddhist chant that extols the significance of compassion.

By eight years old, I was accustomed to rising at daybreak, walking through the mist to visit the temple and offer prayers to my ancestors. At ten, clothed in a white robe, I ascended the towering 3,783-foot expanse of Minobu Mountain with my family on a pilgrimage to experience a monk’s daily lifestyle. Obaba started this tradition in 1950; my family has upheld it ever since.

Obviously, at such a young age, I didn’t fully understand the deep significance of these religious practices: reciting morning Sutras, offering prayers, nightly expressions of gratitude to my ancestors, nor the religious talisman I wore. At times, prayers floated above my little head while I dozed off. Other times, I was simply bored. But when Obaba passed away, something changed.

After her death, I felt compelled to explore Buddhism at a deeper level to understand the source of Obaba’s boundless kindness and resilience. In her 101 years, she’d climbed the mountain annually for more than half a century, and now I felt the urge to practice Buddhism. I dove in by reading the classic texts–The Metta Sutta, The Lankavatara Sutra, and The Kalama Sutta. While I understood the meaning of the words, they didn’t reach my heart. It wasn't until I began to do the daily practice that Buddhism began to unveil its revelations.

Slowly, it dawned on me: Buddhism's essence lies in “compassion.” By immersing myself in active practice, I came to recognize Buddhism's role as a hub of social support. Its compassionate teachings played a pivotal role in helping my Obaba navigate the challenges of World War II and cultivate a lifelong spirit of empathy. Obaba was an inspiration to people from all walks of life, and they’d often seek her to pour out their problems. She’d lend a patient ear and offer advice or simply provide a comforting presence. Obaba led a life dedicated to service. She worked on cultivating her inner peace, which enabled her to assist others in their own journey towards inner tranquility. It became clear to me this was the lesson I’d been seeking all along.

Throughout the pandemic, I became increasingly aware of the struggles within the Buddhist community, where many people experienced significant economic hardship. Embracing Obaba's legacy as my guiding spirit, I initiated a video project for the Buddhist community, since in-person gatherings were restricted. Every morning, after cleaning the temple, I arranged my equipment to create relevant content for our community. These videos featured meditation sessions, insightful teachings from revered monks, and highlights of our community's events.

In the beginning, doubt gnawed at me. Would anyone be interested in online sessions? However, as heartfelt comments poured in, my anxieties dissolved, replaced by a determination to provide more for our community. It was, then, that I recognized how compassion for each of the community members is crucial in cultivating a sense of unity. Through this experience, I gleaned the profound importance of extending compassion by harnessing my own skills to uplift my community members during challenging times, including the pandemic–similar to what Obaba did during WWII.

Having said that, I am who I am today because Obaba exemplified what compassion and resilience are. As a result, I hold her as my role model, aspiring to adopt her qualities by becoming an individual who extends compassion and care to others within the community.

• Emotional and Personal Connection: This essay immediately draws the reader in with its heartfelt reflection on the passing of the student's grandmother, Obaba. The vivid descriptions of childhood memories, such as chanting the Lotus Sutra and climbing Minobu Mountain, create a deep emotional connection. The student’s journey from not fully understanding the religious practices to finding profound meaning in them after Obaba’s death demonstrates personal growth and a strong emotional connection to their heritage and family traditions.
• Demonstration of Compassion and Community Engagement: The student’s active engagement in the Buddhist community, especially during the pandemic, is highly commendable. Initiating a video project to support the community highlights the student’s leadership, initiative, and compassion. This act of service not only illustrates their ability to adapt to challenging circumstances but also their commitment to helping others, reflecting the teachings of Buddhism and the legacy of Obaba. The essay effectively shows how the student embodies the values of compassion and resilience learned from their grandmother.
• Cultural Insight and Reflective Growth: The essay provides a rich cultural insight into Buddhist practices and their significance within the student’s life. The detailed account of religious rituals, texts, and the role of Buddhism as a source of social support offers a unique perspective. The student’s reflective growth, from questioning the relevance of these practices to embracing them fully, highlights a mature understanding of their cultural and spiritual identity. This reflective journey, combined with a strong sense of purpose and aspiration to follow in Obaba’s footsteps, makes the essay both inspiring and deeply personal.

US Essay #4

The piercing sound of the school bell marked the end of the day. But I found myself reluctant to exit the classroom. I didn’t want to go home.

While growing up as an only child allowed me to enjoy all the attention focused from my parents, it also meant that I was faced with high expectations. Since they have always worked hard and would often return home late, I felt that cooking dinner was my way of giving back to my family.

Cooking was not easy, and this was especially true of Chinese dishes. While I am no professional, I have improved rapidly over the years. From changing how I slice the pork belly to adapting the proportion of oyster sauce I use, I have always taken satisfaction in refining every detail to optimize the taste of my dishes so that my parents could enjoy a hearty meal after an exhausting day. Cooking was more than a chore - cooking Chinese food and eating it at the round table at the end of the day was my language to connect with my busy parents. I felt I would disappoint them if I messed up the dish.

And so, inevitably, cooking turned out to be the most stressful part of my daily routine. At the end of every school day, the sparks of knowledge acquired would quickly be extinguished by my anxious thoughts of what to cook that night. Walking towards the kitchen, I would notice my pace slowing down. I was worried that even one mistake would completely ruin the dish. And so, I was more careful in the style I tossed the fried rice and was more afraid to experiment with different spices that I infused in my Kung Pao chicken. As the screeching tires signaled the arrival of my parents, I could feel my heart drumming; in a matter of minutes, my food would be judged and critiqued. The pressure of this routine started to smother my enjoyment of cooking.

A couple of years ago, I was asked to cook for my Taoist community for the ‘Birthday of Quan Yin’ festival. I was excited to connect with my community through my cooking skills. I proudly pulled out the wok, threw in the ingredients, and focused on the tempo of sizzling, as the perfect ‘wok hay’ aroma of ‘char kuey teow’ was unleashed into the air. I poured my passion, mastery, and love for my culinary heritage into the dish and forgot about everything else. As I was distributing the food onto plastic plates, I was startled by my mother standing right behind me.

“Smells good, son,” she said. The single sentence wasn’t just any compliment - it expressed emphatic approval after years of fastidious evaluation of my dishes.

Looking back, my self-discipline and perfectionism, which my culture considers as admirable traits, had created fear and pressure in everything I did, preventing me from enjoying my passion for cooking and sharing a meal. I always thought that this was caused by the high expectations set by my parents. From my enjoyable experience of connecting people through my cooking, I realized that all along it was my own expectation of my parents’ approval that fueled me to set ever higher expectations for myself.

While I cannot deny these very expectations are what led me to accomplish things that I thought were not possible athletically or academically, I am now aware that my passion for cooking would have slowly deteriorated if I only focused on the results. And, perhaps most importantly, I consider this experience a great metaphor for other things in life: even if the noodles are too salty or otak-otak slightly overcooked, as long as I pour my passion into it, enjoy myself in the process, and share my joy with the people I love, we will be having a hearty meal.

• Vivid and Relatable Storytelling: This essay captivates the reader with a relatable and vivid narrative. The detailed descriptions of the student’s cooking experiences, from slicing pork belly to tossing fried rice, provide a sensory-rich account that draws the reader in. The progression from cooking as a stressful obligation to a joyful and communal activity is compelling and relatable, highlighting the student's growth and introspection. The story effectively illustrates the challenges and rewards of balancing high expectations with personal enjoyment.
• Cultural and Familial Connection: The essay beautifully intertwines the student’s cultural heritage with their family dynamics. The act of cooking Chinese dishes and sharing meals at the round table serves as a powerful metaphor for connection and communication within the family. Additionally, the mention of cooking for the Taoist community adds depth, showing the student’s engagement with their cultural and religious traditions. This connection to culture and family provides a rich backdrop to the student’s personal journey, making the essay both meaningful and authentic.
• Reflection and Personal Growth: The student’s reflection on the pressures of high expectations and the realisation that these were largely self-imposed is profound. The shift from focusing on results to embracing the process and sharing joy with loved ones demonstrates significant personal growth and maturity. The essay conveys a valuable life lesson about finding balance and passion in one’s pursuits. This introspective quality, combined with the student's ability to articulate their thoughts and feelings, makes the essay insightful and inspiring, showcasing the student’s readiness for future challenges and growth.

US Essay #5

At 6, I really wanted to be a swan. A peculiar profession to most, this impassioned declaration was often met with baffled stares. Luckily, the reality was much more attainable: I wanted to be the White Swan from the classic Swan Lake. Gazing upwards from my booster seat at my first ballet, I grew enamoured by the unparalleled grace of the White Swan. Entranced, I pictured myself in her dainty little shoes floating across the stage. An excitement quelled in my chest–the early embers that would spark into a raging flame. No matter what, I will be the next White Swan.

Fast forward ten years and I can barely do a split! Forget backbends or leaps, I’ve yet to grasp the baseline for flexibility. It appears that as I grow older, I become less like the graceful swan I once aspired to become and more like Big Bird. I lack natural grace and elegance. My hips are stubbornly turned inwards and standing in the basic ‘fifth-position’ hurts my joints. My non-existent stamina deters me from sustaining high jumps through a routine. It seems that my only aptitude in dance is making every move look more laborious than it already is.

All around me I see friends excelling at their passions, boasting shelves of trophies and accolades. Meanwhile, I’m still struggling to attain a ‘distinction’ grade in my ballet exam. Merit grade’s not bad, but not very good either. I’ve watched my ballet classmates covet and achieve solo opportunities, while I remain shrouded in the background of ensemble dancers. I’ve watched them walk out the studio glowing with satisfaction after mastering a move, while I stay back, alone, fumbling with the exact same step.

Somehow, despite the frustration, passion would still drive me to attend every rehearsal, fraying countless ballet-slippers. I’ve gone on painfully restrictive diets all in a bid to achieve the ideal ‘ballerina’ physique. I’ve committed to demanding workout plans to build up my stamina, and dedicated myself to a consistent stretching regimen to increase flexibility. I’ve done all I could, ticked off all the prerequisites for progress, and yet I’ve plateaued in my ballet skills. I’ve trusted the process, but it seems that the process has failed me.

But here’s the thing: I still love ballet. Despite the adversities, I still find myself yearning to slip on my slippers and perform my routines. Invariably, I find myself loving dance.

Maybe it’s because the beauty of passion is the courage to continue even in the face of failure. Through this arduous journey I’ve learned that passion isn’t the brilliant spark of a raging fire, but the muted embers that glow, unwaveringly. It doesn’t matter if I fail to achieve my splits or ‘distinctions,’ because I’ve come to appreciate the gnawing ache in my legs as I leap and pirouette, and respect my ardour in continuing every dance despite mistakes and cramps. Passion isn't the extreme highs and lows of victory; it’s the persistent fight in enduring what we do, for the sake of doing what we love. I don’t enjoy the pain, nor the disappointment, but it’s these factors that are testaments to my depth of passion. Passion does not equate to greatness, but I don’t dance for greatness. I dance for the people. The lessons. The understanding of a beautiful art form.

Now when I watch ballet, I no longer envision myself as the dancer on stage. I’ve stopped dreaming of a career on stage. I no longer proudly showcase my routines to my family. But I haven’t stopped showing up, giving my all, and most importantly, enjoying it. Maybe I’ll never be a white swan, but that’s irrelevant. Because I know that I'll keep dancing for a long time to come. The truth behind doing what we love is that we never stop fighting for it, no matter the cost. Such is the beauty of passion.

• Authenticity and Perseverance: This essay stands out for its authenticity and raw honesty. The student’s journey from a childhood dream of becoming the White Swan to facing the harsh realities of their limitations in ballet is portrayed with genuine emotion. Despite not achieving the lofty goals they set for themselves, the student’s continued dedication to ballet, even in the face of persistent challenges and setbacks, showcases an admirable level of perseverance. This genuine reflection on their experiences highlights the student’s resilience and commitment, making the essay relatable and impactful.
• Deep Understanding of Passion: The student’s evolving understanding of what true passion entails is a central theme that adds depth to the essay. The shift from seeing passion as a path to greatness to recognizing it as the courage to persist despite failure is profound. The student articulates this realisation eloquently, showing a mature perspective on the nature of dedication and love for an art form. This nuanced understanding of passion, illustrated through personal anecdotes and reflections, provides a compelling narrative that resonates with the reader.
• Engaging and Relatable Narrative: The essay is engaging and relatable, filled with vivid descriptions and a touch of humour. The contrast between the student’s initial dreams and the reality of their ballet skills is depicted in a way that is both poignant and endearing. The student’s self-awareness and ability to find joy in the process, rather than the outcome, offer valuable life lessons. This narrative not only captures the reader’s attention but also leaves a lasting impression of the student’s character, making it a memorable and effective personal statement.

Tips on writing effective personal statements

Now that you’ve reviewed several successful personal statements, you may have noticed some recurring themes. Here are a few tips on how to write an impactful personal statement!

1. Start early

You can’t rush a personal statement so start early! This gives you ample time to brainstorm and plan ahead. As it might be intimidating to approach a blank page and begin writing, it’s important to first plan what you intend to write . We suggest using lists and diagrams like mind maps to visualise potential key topics and how they may be connected. Outlining your personal statement before you begin writing helps keep your thoughts organised and ensures a smooth flow.

Your reader already knows the who but what about the why ? If you’re stuck on what to write about, the why is a useful starting point for your brainstorming . Reflect on your unique experiences and values and think about why you intend to study in the chosen discipline. Which experience sparked your interest?

You should also research the specific courses and universities that you are interested in before you begin writing to learn more about their requirements and expectations. Use this to carefully align your narrative with the university’s values. For UK personal statements, try to make it evident that you’ve done your research by highlighting the relevant knowledge, experiences, and qualities that you have in your essay.

2. Practice makes perfect

Crafting an outstanding personal statement requires plenty of practice! Your first draft is unlikely to be perfect so don’t be discouraged by the number of revisions you’ll need.

Start by writing freely and ignoring the word or character limit. Aim to include everything you want to cover in your final draft, and don’t worry if it’s too long as you can refine it later. Nevertheless, always keep the purpose of your personal statement in mind throughout the drafting process to stay on track. If you’re writing a UCAS personal statement, ensure that the reader can clearly understand your expertise and academic goals. For US applications, the reader should understand your unique identity and characteristics better. Keep on practising and editing until your essay's message is clear and impactful!

3. Showcase a reflective nature

Strong personal statements are authentic and reflective . However, while you may have encountered a lot of significant experiences, what happened to the student is often less important than how they processed and understood it . As such, try to reflect deeply on those key moments and ask yourself questions like “how did that event make me a better person” and “how has it changed the way I view myself or the world”. It’s okay to be vulnerable in your essay so be honest in your reflection. It’s important to highlight your journey of personal growth and self-discovery as it can demonstrate your level of maturity and emotional depth.

For UCAS essays, connecting your reflection to what you intend to study is essential . For instance, it could influence your motivation to pursue your chosen discipline or contribute to your knowledge and experience in a subject matter. Ultimately, it should prove your passion and enthusiasm for your chosen discipline.

Expand on your reflection and conclude your essay with an optimistic future outlook. Try to link your experiences and the lessons you’ve learned with your goals and how they’ve prepared you for your future academic and professional pathways. For example, you can elaborate on how your involvement in STEM research has inspired your altruistic aim to advance and benefit humanity. The key here is to highlight your journey and show how your experiences have shaped your future ambitions and actions.

4. Highlight your passion

Especially for US personal statements, letting your passion shine through in your essay is a great way for the admissions officer to understand you better . You need not mention everything you’re passionate about so select one or a few that you can integrate into your narrative. You can even use them to set the tone and foundation for your personal statement.

In the previous essays, notice how these students have cleverly capitalised on their passion to drive their narratives and demonstrate their journey of personal growth. They combine their passion with their life experiences, reflect on the challenges and growth they’ve encountered, and draw connections to meaningful lessons, making their essays memorable and insightful. In fact, highlighting how you’ve changed through your passion offers key insights into your characteristics and mindset!

5. Proofread the final draft

The spelling, grammar, and structure of your essay is crucial so be meticulous when proofreading . While content is important, your writing skills bring the best stories to life. Read your final draft aloud multiple times and see if it flows well. Watch for any awkward phrases, jarring transactions, and grammatical or spelling errors as they can undermine even the strongest essays.

Ask yourself these questions as you read your personal statement: do my ideas connect logically, is my writing engaging and succinct, and are there any segments that can be cut or expanded on? A strong essay should be cohesive with every element seamlessly woven into its narrative - nothing should feel out of place. Also, ensure that you’ve covered all the key points from your initial outline.

Seek feedback from as many people as possible as it’s useful to get external perspectives. Share a copy with a trusted friend, teacher, mentor, or family member, and ask for an impartial review. If the overall narrative isn’t clear, consider revisiting and refining it.

Identifying and overcoming common mistakes

Writing a personal statement is a challenging endeavour and many mistakes can be made during the process. Here are a few common mistakes and how you can avoid them!

1. Overlooking your audience

A common mistake students make is losing sight of their audience. Be mindful of your writing style as it varies depending on the country you’re intending to apply to . For the UCAS personal statement, students often adopt a flowery writing style to tell a story instead of being direct and factual. Remember, the aim of the UCAS personal statement is to highlight your expertise, academic goals, and vision for your time in university. Make sure that every element of your essay is aligned with these areas. 

For the US on the other hand, many students assume that difficult and emotional personal topics make the best essays. However, not all strong personal statements are about hardship. You should only write about such experiences if they are authentic and have shaped your life in some way. It’s essential to genuinely reflect on your life experiences so avoid writing about a topic just for the sake of it.

2. Being redundant

The reader can see your entire application so your personal statement shouldn’t be a reiteration of it . You have a word limit so refrain from listing your accomplishments and grades that are already on your application. It’s your opportunity to show a different aspect of yourself so try to reveal something new. While you still might want to highlight a relevant achievement, don’t just list it in your essay, explain how this experience has impacted you!

3. Coming across as arrogant

Highlighting your unique experiences and strengths is important in your essay but be mindful of your tone . Be humble, the purpose of your essay is not to show that you are the best! There’s always room for improvement so avoid suggesting that you’ve already learned everything about yourself or a subject matter. Instead, try adopting a more forward-looking approach to show how you still strive for self-improvement despite your strengths. There’s always room for improvement!

4. Honesty is the best policy

Lying or exaggerating on your personal statement is a surefire way of setting yourself up for failure . Avoid making unsupported claims or over-exaggerating your accomplishments. If you’re called for an interview, the school may ask you thoroughly about the experiences that you’ve mentioned in your essay. They can also conduct background checks on your references and claims so it’s easy to get caught out in a lie. Your interviewers are likely to be experts themselves who can verify whether your experience is authentic, exaggerated, or false.

Be honest and only write about the things you have experienced . It may be tempting to embellish your personal statement to enhance your attractiveness but no experience is too small - it’s about what you get out of it. Even if you have limited practical experience in your chosen discipline, there are other ways to demonstrate your passion and motivation. Make your enthusiasm clear in your writing by expressing your desire to pursue a career in the specific field. You can talk about how your hobbies are related, the readings you have done, and how you keep up to date with current trends!

5. Focusing too much on storytelling

Many personal statements end up looking like a recount of the student’s personal life story . While some background information provides context to the personal statement, too much of it will dilute your essay’s purpose. If you’re writing for the US, be sure to stay on track and address the prompt that you’ve chosen. A well-organised structure will ensure that your personal statement remains focused. By the end of your essay, the reader should be able to take away some of your unique qualities and experiences, and understand your motivation behind pursuing your chosen discipline.

Recommended Timeline

Making consistent progress with your personal statement is vital. It guarantees ample time to organise and include all essential points, prevent errors, and thoroughly proofread.

Ideally, you want to start brainstorming at least four to six months before the deadline . This stage is meant for you to conduct an in-depth self-assessment, writing down all the points that can contribute to a compelling narrative. Before you can start writing, it's recommended to plan your essay four months before the deadline . Use visual diagrams and figure out which of the earlier points relate to one another. Here, you need to ensure that there is an overarching theme for your essay to remain focused and cohesive. Organise your key points into sections to create a logical structure for your personal statement. Once you’re done with the planning stage, aim to start writing your first draft two to four months before the due date . Focus on capturing the essence of your essay and remember to be authentic, concise, and positive. Lastly, share a copy with your trusted connections one to two months before the deadline, and proofread and make any necessary edits at least one month before! This gives you enough time to polish your essay to perfection before the final submission.

Need support with your personal statement and other aspects of applying to US and UK universities? Our experts are here to guide you through every step of the process. Contact us today for personalised assistance!

Have questions or need help? Connect with Crimson Education for expert advice and tailored support.

Key resources & further reading.

• 10 Great Common App Essay Examples From Accepted Students
• How To Answer the 2024-25 Common App Essay Prompts
• A Love Letter to My Mum: Personal Statements That Pay Tribute to Our Greatest Supporters

About the Contributor

Jamie Beaton

Jamie Beaton is the Co-founder and CEO of Crimson Education. With degrees from Harvard, Oxford, Stanford, Yale, and Tsinghua, Jamie is an educational innovator passionate about helping students reach their academic potential. He co-founded Crimson after gaining admission to 25 of the world's top universities. Under his leadership, Crimson has become the world's most successful university admissions consultancy, helping thousands gain entry into the Ivy League and other elite institutions.

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Understanding the new personal statement format

For 2026 entry, the personal statement focuses on three key questions to help students clearly communicate their motivations and suitability for the course. These questions ensure all students, no matter their background, can present a strong case. 

Your child should explain their passion for the subject, how their interest developed, and what they hope to achieve. 

They should link their academic achievements to the skills needed for the course. 

Here, your child can discuss any activities outside school—such as work experience, volunteering, or personal projects—and how these experiences have prepared them for university. 

How you can help your child get started

Encourage reflection:  Help your child think about why they are interested in the course and what sparked their passion. This reflection is key to answering the first question. 

Identify experiences:  Support your child in identifying both academic and personal experiences that relate to their course. Whether it’s a project, job, hobby, or a balancing of their responsibilities like caring for a family member, these experiences can demonstrate their commitment and readiness. 

Discuss future goals:  Talk about your child’s career goals and how the course can help them achieve these. This will help them focus their personal statement. 

Emphasise relevance:  Encourage your child to avoid vague statements and focus on specific experiences and achievements that support their application. 

Structuring the personal statement

• Show passion: They should explain what excites and interests them about the subject. 
• Relate to career goals: Link their interest to long-term goals. 
• Highlight achievements: Help them pick academic accomplishments relevant to the course. 
• Link skills: They should demonstrate how their studies have given them skills for success. 
• Include extra-curriculars: Volunteering, internships, or personal projects can be great examples. 
• Make it personal: Encourage your child to select experiences that show commitment. This is where your child can include any challenges they’ve overcome and how these experiences prepared them for university. 

For students without extra-curricular activities

Your child can focus on academic achievements and personal responsibilities. Encourage them to: 

• Discuss classroom experiences that helped them develop key skills. 
• Highlight part-time jobs, linking them to transferable skills like time management. 

Springpod Sreenshot

Subject tasters and virtual work experience.

These programmes, run by Springpod through the UCAS website, offer an unparalleled insight into courses, subjects and careers, and can be included in their personal statement as relevant evidence.

Subject tasters

Virtual work experience

What to avoid

Supporting your child to stand out, final checks.

Proofreading:  Encourage your child to check their statement for spelling and grammar mistakes and have someone review it for clarity. 

Seek feedback:  Suggest they share their personal statement with a trusted person for constructive feedback. 

Check relevance:  Remind them to ensure every part of their statement is relevant to the course and their goals. 

By following this guidance, you can help your child create a personal statement that reflects their strengths and ambitions. This is their chance to tell their story - ensure it truly represents who they are and what they want to achieve. 

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