essay about myself introduction sample

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I'm working on a college essay where I need to introduce myself effectively. How do you guys start an essay like this, and how do you make it engaging and interesting right from the beginning?

Writing a strong essay introduction is crucial to grabbing your reader's attention and making them want to read more. Here are a few tips to create an engaging and interesting introduction about yourself:

1. Start with a hook: Begin your introduction with a surprising fact, an anecdote, or an interesting question that will draw your reader in. This will set the tone for your essay and pique your reader's curiosity.

2. Be genuine and show your personality: Make sure the introduction reflects who you are and resonates with your personal voice. This is your chance to let your unique personality shine through. Avoid generic statements and clichés that could apply to anyone.

3. Establish a connection: Relate your story or anecdote to the audience or the prompt. This will make your introduction more relatable and show how your personal experiences have shaped who you are today.

4. Be concise: Keep your introduction brief and to the point. This is just the beginning of your essay, so you don't want to give away too much information or lose the reader's interest. Aim for a few captivating sentences that build anticipation for the rest of your essay.

5. Make it relevant: Stay focused on the college essay prompt and make sure your introduction clearly addresses the question being asked. It's important to stay on topic and ensure that your introduction is relevant to the essay as a whole.

For example, let's say you're writing an essay about discovering your passion for art and the impact it's had on your personal growth. Your introduction might start with a question like, "Have you ever felt the way a single brushstroke can change your entire perspective on life?" This invites the reader into your story and encourages them to reflect on their own experiences, setting the stage for a compelling essay about your unique journey.

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• Interview Preparation /

Introduction Paragraph for an Essay About Yourself

• Updated on  
• Dec 5, 2023

The “ Write about yourself” is a common essay topic. It is a frequent topic in school assignments, college, and even some entrance exams. This gives an analysis to the examiner or teacher about your writing skills. They also get to know about your interests, academic background, and hobbies. In this article, we will cover how to write a captivating self-introduction in an essay about yourself.  

This Blog Includes:

Key elements of my self intro paragraph  , draft beforehand , hooks are key in essay, introduce yourself , mention your talent and qualities , mention your success story, proofreading is important, essay about myself sample.

Also Read: Essay on Forests for Students in 500 Words

The most important thing in a self-introduction essay is to decide what to include in your content. To help you with this, we have mentioned below the key elements that you should include in an informative essay. 

• Your name 
• Your educational background 
• Your current profession 
• Your interests and hobbies
• A big achievement 
• A challenging incident 
• Your future goals

How to Write an Essay About Myself 

Writing an essay about yourself doesn’t mean giving every detail of ourselves. We should be mindful of what we are writing, and check whether it is relevant to state that fact or not. Here are some tips to help you write a professional and interesting self-introduction essay. 

To write a self-introduction with all relevant information in proper order, you need to prepare beforehand. You need to prepare a structure and collect all the information that has to be included in that structure. 

Starting your essay with an interesting line or question will grab the attention of your readers. Always remember, an essay that begins well always ends well. Mention something interesting that will help to hold the interest of your readers. For example ‘I’m Shrey, but you can call me S.’

When you begin to introduce yourself, don’t get confused about what details to mention. Just assume as if you are introducing yourself to a stranger who knows nothing about you. Mention your name, education qualifications, and your current job role. 

Don’t mention something as your hobby just because it sounds great. Your essay will only be appealing to read if you are authentic and original. Mention your true hobbies, and professional skills and if you think it’s very common and making your essay dull, you can state why you like it so much, or how has it impacted your life or profession. If it’s somewhere related to your profession that’s why you took this career path. 

Must Read: Viva Self Introduction: Tips and Tricks

Mentioning your passion or interests isn’t enough. You can tell a tale to show how much you like it, for example, you can say that you have won this many dance competitions or choreographed for your college fest. You can also tell a story about your biggest achievement that makes you feel proud. You can share an incident that was challenging for you and how you overcame it.  This will give clarity to your personality and make your essay more exciting to read. 

For a quality essay, only content is not important you need to make sure that your paragraph is free of grammar and spelling mistakes. While proofreading make sure the order of your essay is making sense and the sentence structure sounds good while reading. 

It’s always easy to understand through an example and samples. We have given a sample below for your reference that will help you to get more clarity. 

“My name is XYZ and I’m a psychologist by profession. In the most basic words, I assist others in discovering their strength. I’ve spent my life learning human behaviour and helping people overcome their barriers; and in this process each time I have learned something new. My job has brought me all around the world and allowed me to work with individuals from every sphere of life.

I graduated from XYZ University, Noida where I was appointed as the life coach for my active listening and problem-solving skills. My profession doesn’t award me much with materialistic things but it’s fulfilling to see someone living his/her life happily after I helped them to overcome their issues and barriers.”

Related Articles

In an Essay about myself, you should stick to the information related to you only. You should not mention things like political interests, relationship status or more.

An Ideal essay length is about 350 to 400 words. Similarly, go with myself introduction essay. Shorter than this length is not good enough.

Yes, you can share a life incident in your self-introduction paragraph that is around your biggest accomplishment or a challenging incident. 

While you are writing a self-introduction paragraph make sure you are being original and true. Everyone is unique and that must be highlighted in your essay. Hope the information provided above is useful for the readers. 

For more information on such related topics to level up your interview preparations, visit our  interview preparation  page. Check out our  career counselling  blogs and follow  Leverage edu.

Alivia Mukherjee

Alivia is an associate content writer at Leverage Edu. She specializes in writing blogs on Indian Exams, Scholarships and study abroad topics. She can be found writing, designing and developing great content which are SEO focused.

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Home — Essay Samples — Life — Myself — About Myself

Essay Examples About Myself

Engaging prompts for your essay about myself.

Prompt 1: Describe a moment in your life that significantly influenced your personal development. How did it shape the person you are today?

Prompt 2: What are your major achievements, and why do you consider them as such? Discuss what these achievements reveal about your character and values.

Prompt 3: Reflect on a challenge you've faced. How did you overcome it, and what did you learn about yourself in the process?

Brainstorming and Choosing a Unique Essay About Myself Topic

Brainstorming is crucial for uncovering unique aspects of your story. Reflect on memorable experiences, achievements, and lessons learned to find a central theme or unique angle for your essay.

Unique Essay Topics Beyond the Common Narratives

• The Intersection of Personal Adversity and Academic Pursuit
• From Hobby to Purpose
• Cultural Heritage and Identity
• Innovation in Solitude
• Navigating the World as a Neurodiverse Individual

Inspirational Writing Samples for Your Essay About Myself

"Facing the mountain, I felt an unprecedented mix of fear and exhilaration. Climbing had always been a metaphor for my life's challenges. Each step upward mirrored my journey of overcoming [specific challenge], teaching me resilience, focus, and the importance of trust. Through this experience, I discovered that perseverance, even in the face of uncertainty, is the key to surmounting obstacles."

Phrases for Inspiration:

• "Transforming setbacks into comebacks, I learned..."
• "In the crucible of [experience], I forged..."
• "Navigating the intricate tapestry of [situation] revealed to me..."
• "The confluence of [event] and my response to it underscored the importance of..."
• "Drawing from the well of my experiences, I find strength in..."

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• Personal Beliefs

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Learn the best tips and techniques for crafting a compelling and engaging essay about myself.

When it comes to talking about oneself, it can be quite a challenge to find the right words to express our thoughts and emotions. Writing an essay about oneself is an opportunity to not only showcase our personality, but also our experiences and achievements. It allows us to reflect on our journey and share our unique perspective with the world. Crafting an essay about oneself requires careful consideration of the words we choose and how we structure our thoughts. In this guide, we will explore effective tips and strategies to help you write an exceptional essay that truly captures who you are.

Understanding yourself is the first step. Before diving into writing, take some time to reflect on your experiences, values, and beliefs. Consider the moments that have shaped you and the lessons you have learned along the way. Think about your passions, strengths, and weaknesses. Understanding yourself will help you create a more authentic and compelling essay. Don’t be afraid to dig deep and explore your innermost thoughts and feelings. This self-reflection process will provide a solid foundation for your essay.

Show, don’t tell. Instead of simply listing your accomplishments or personality traits, strive to illustrate them through vivid anecdotes and specific details. This will make your essay more engaging and memorable. Use descriptive language and paint a picture for your readers. For example, if you want to showcase your leadership skills, don’t just say, “I am a great leader.” Instead, share a story of how you organized and successfully led a team to accomplish a challenging task. By providing concrete examples, you will leave a lasting impression on your readers.

Tactics for Crafting a Personal Account: Step-by-Step Manual

Constructing a narrative about oneself can often present a challenge. In order to produce an effective personal essay, it is crucial to employ certain strategies that lend authenticity and engage the reader. This section will outline a step-by-step guide for writing a compelling essay that highlights personal experiences and insights.

Use Personal Anecdotes and Examples

When crafting an essay about yourself, it is important to make it engaging and relatable to your audience. One effective way to achieve this is by using personal anecdotes and examples. These storytelling elements can bring your essay to life and make it more memorable.

Instead of just stating facts about yourself, try incorporating specific instances or events from your life that illustrate your qualities, experiences, or perspectives. For example, if you are writing about your leadership skills, you can share an anecdote about a time when you successfully led a group project or organized a community event.

Personal anecdotes not only add depth and authenticity to your essay, but they also help to showcase your unique personality and differentiate you from other applicants. They provide concrete evidence of your abilities, allowing the reader to form a better understanding of who you are as an individual.

Furthermore, using examples is an effective way to support your claims and arguments. Whether you are discussing your academic achievements, personal growth, or career goals, providing specific examples or evidence can strengthen your essay and make it more persuasive.

Remember to choose anecdotes and examples that are relevant to the points you are trying to make in your essay. They should effectively support your main ideas and contribute to the overall coherence of your piece.

In conclusion, incorporating personal anecdotes and examples in your essay can make it more engaging, relatable, and persuasive. By sharing specific instances from your life, you not only showcase your unique qualities and experiences, but also provide evidence to support your claims. So, don’t be afraid to share your personal stories and experiences – they can make your essay truly standout.

Highlight Your Achievements and Accomplishments

When it comes to writing an essay about oneself, it is essential to showcase your achievements and accomplishments. This section allows you to underscore your skills, experiences, and noteworthy moments in your personal and professional life. By highlighting your accomplishments, you not only demonstrate your abilities but also provide evidence of your dedication, hard work, and commitment to success.

Begin by reflecting on your accomplishments in various areas of your life. Look beyond the obvious academic or professional achievements and consider personal milestones, volunteer work, leadership roles, or any significant challenges you have overcome. These accomplishments can range from winning a sports competition to completing a project successfully or receiving recognition for your contributions.

When describing your achievements, aim to be specific and provide relevant details. For instance, instead of simply stating that you won an award, elaborate on the specific award, including the criteria, the competition or event, and possibly how you felt when you received it. This level of detail helps the reader get a clear sense of your accomplishment and its significance.

Moreover, don’t shy away from discussing challenges you have faced during your journey to highlight your accomplishments. Sharing the obstacles you have overcome demonstrates resilience, determination, and the ability to adapt and grow.

In addition to showcasing your accomplishments, it is pivotal to connect them to your personal and professional goals . Highlight how these achievements have shaped you as an individual and how they relate to your aspirations. Discuss how each accomplishment has contributed to your growth, development, and the acquisition of specific skills or qualities that are relevant to your essay’s overall theme or purpose.

Remember, while it is important to present your achievements, do so humbly and avoid sounding boastful. Instead, focus on conveying your passion, the lessons you have learned, and the positive impact these accomplishments have had on your life.

By highlighting your achievements and accomplishments, you will showcase your abilities, experiences, and the unique qualities that make you stand out. This section allows you to provide a well-rounded view of yourself while demonstrating your potential for future success.

Discuss Your Goals and Aspirations

When writing an essay about yourself, it is important to discuss your goals and aspirations. This section allows you to express your hopes and dreams for the future, showcasing your ambition and drive. By sharing your goals, you provide insight into your motivations and what you hope to achieve in life.

One way to discuss your goals is by highlighting specific career aspirations. You can mention the profession or field you aim to pursue and explain why it is meaningful to you. Perhaps you have always had a passion for science and hope to become a research scientist, or maybe you dream of being a lawyer and fighting for justice. By discussing your career goals, you demonstrate your focus and determination.

Furthermore, it is important to discuss personal goals unrelated to your career. These could include aspirations in areas such as personal growth, relationships, and health. For example, you may have a goal to become a better communicator, to build stronger relationships with loved ones, or to prioritize self-care and maintain a healthy lifestyle. Sharing these goals provides a well-rounded picture of who you are and what you value in life.

In addition to discussing your goals, it is beneficial to explain the reasons behind them. What has influenced or inspired you to set these aspirations? Did a personal experience or role model shape your goals? By providing context, you give your readers a deeper understanding of your motivations and what drives you to pursue these aspirations.

In conclusion, discussing your goals and aspirations in your essay about yourself allows you to showcase your ambition, drive, and motivations. By discussing both career and personal goals, you provide a well-rounded perspective of who you are and what you hope to achieve in life.

Be Honest and Authentic in Your Writing

When it comes to writing about yourself, it is important to be truthful and genuine in your words. Being honest allows you to connect with your readers on a deeper level and creates a sense of authenticity in your writing.

Authenticity in writing means presenting your true self and conveying your thoughts and experiences sincerely. It involves revealing your strengths, weaknesses, successes, and failures without any embellishment or exaggeration. Your readers will appreciate your genuine approach and will be able to relate to you on a personal level.

Being honest in your writing also means being true to yourself. Don’t try to mold your story or experiences to fit a specific narrative or expectation. Instead, embrace your uniqueness, quirks, and individuality. Your personal voice and perspective are what make your essay stand out and resonate with your readers.

In addition to being honest, it is important to be mindful of the tone and language you use in your writing. Be respectful and tactful when discussing sensitive or challenging topics. Maintain a balance between vulnerability and professionalism to ensure your message is conveyed effectively.

Remember, the purpose of writing about yourself is to share your story and experiences, not to impress or gain approval from others. Stay true to yourself and allow your authenticity to shine through your words. By being honest and authentic in your writing, you will not only create a meaningful essay, but also connect with your readers on a deeper level.

Be truthful, genuine, and authentic in your writing, and your essay about yourself will be compelling and impactful.

Revise and Edit Your Essay for Clarity and Coherence

Once you have completed the initial draft of your essay, it is important to carefully revise and edit it to ensure clarity and coherence. Revising and editing involves carefully reviewing your essay for any errors or areas of confusion, and making necessary changes to improve the overall flow and organization of your ideas.

One important aspect of revising and editing is to ensure that your essay is clear and easy to understand. This involves checking for grammar and spelling errors, as well as refining your sentence structure and word choice. By using clear and concise language, you can ensure that your ideas are communicated effectively to your reader.

In addition to clarity, coherence is another key element to consider when revising and editing your essay. Coherence refers to the logical and smooth flow of ideas within your essay. To achieve coherence, you should ensure that your paragraphs are well-organized and that each paragraph links to the next in a logical manner. Transitions and topic sentences can help to achieve this, providing a clear connection between ideas and guiding your reader through your essay.

When revising and editing, it can also be helpful to read your essay out loud. This can help you to identify any awkward or confusing sentences, as well as to check the overall rhythm and flow of your writing. Pay attention to any areas that seem disjointed or difficult to follow, and make changes to improve the overall coherence of your essay.

Finally, it is important to take the time to review and polish your essay before submitting the final version. This involves checking for any remaining errors, refining your language and style, and ensuring that your essay is well-structured and organized. By thoroughly revising and editing your essay, you can ensure that your ideas are presented clearly and coherently, leaving a strong impression on your reader.

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Essays About Myself: Top 5 Essay Examples Plus Prompts

We are all unique individuals, each with traits, skills, and qualities we should be proud of. Here are examples and prompts on essays about myself .

It is good to reflect on ourselves from time to time. When applying for university or a new job, you may be asked to write about yourself to give the institution a better picture of yourself. Self-understanding and reflection are essential if you want to make a compelling argument for yourself.

Reflect on your life: look back on the people you’ve met, the places you’ve been, and the experiences you’ve had, and think about how they have shaped you into the person you have become today. Think of the bigger picture and be sure to consider who you are based on what others think and say about you, not just who you think you are. 

If you are tasked with the prompt, “essays about myself,” keep reading to see some essay examples.

1. It’s My Life by Ann Smith

2. how i see myself by leticia woods, 3. the truth about myself by madeline dyer, 4. what we see in others is a reflection of ourselves by sandra brossman, 5. a letter to myself by gladys mclaughlin, 1. introducing yourself, 2. describing your strengths and weaknesses, 3. what sets you apart from others, 4. your beliefs and values, 5. an experience that has defined you as a person, 6. what family means to you, 7. your favorite pasttime.

“Sure, I’ve had bad experiences in my life too, but this is exactly what made me the way I am now: grateful, full of love, with a desire to study well because it will help me become a successful person in future and have a high quality of life. I believe that it is manifesting day by day and I feel even more responsibility for what I do and where I go. With all I already have, I know that I’m on the right path and I will do my best to inspire others to live the way they feel like living as well.”

In her essay, Smith describes her interests, habits, and qualities. She writes that she is sociable, enthusiastic about studying, and friendly. She also touches on others’ opinions of her- that she is funny. One of Smith’s hobbies is photography, which allowed her to meet her best friend. She aims to study hard so she can be successful on whatever path she may follow, and inspire others to live their best life. 

“It is this drive that will carry me through my degree program and allow me to absorb the education that I receive and develop solid practical applications from this knowledge. I feel that I will eventually become highly successful in my chosen field because my past has clearly shown my commitment to excellence in every endeavor that I have chosen. Because I remain incredibly focused and committed for future success, I know that my future will be as rewarding as my past.”

Woods discusses how her identity helps her achieve her career goals. First, her commitment to her education is a great asset. Second, prior education and her service in the US Air Force allowed her to learn much about life, the world, and herself, and she was able to learn about different cultures. She believes that experience, devotion, and knowledge will allow her to achieve her dreams. 

“I’m getting better as I recover from the brain inflammation which caused my OCD, but I want to have a day like that. A day where I can relax and enjoy life fully again. A day where I haven’t a care in the world. And for that, I need to be kind to myself. I need to relax and remove any pressure I place on myself.”

Dyer reflects on an important part of herself- her Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Brain inflammation has made her a perfectionist, and she cannot relax. She is constantly compelled by an inner voice to do things she “should” be doing. She wants to be happy, and will try to shut off this voice by practicing self-affirmation. You might also be interested in these essays about discovering yourself .

“Believe it or not, forgiving YOURSELF is the most effective way to disengage from negative interactions with people.  We can only love and accept others to the degree that we love and accept ourselves.  When you make it a habit to learn from your relationships, eventually you will discover that you can observe negative traits within others without judgment and without getting hooked into someone else’s drama.”

In her essay, Brossman writes how we see what we desire for ourselves in others. Our relationships help us understand ourselves better; we see people’s bad qualities and criticize them, professing that we will not be like them. On the other hand, we see qualities we like and try to imitate them. To become a better version of yourself, you should learn from your relationships and emulate desirable qualities. 

“I never tell anyone that I am tired of work or study. Success will come to those who get up and go far. This is my life motto which always reminds me of how vital it is to be hard-working and resilient towards failures. I learn that no matter what others say (even mother and father) if their

thoughts contradict my goals, I don’t have to listen to them. Nobody will live your life, and nobody should tell you who you are and what you are.”

Mclaughlin writes a letter to her future self, explaining what she envisions for herself in the coming years. She writes about who she is now and describes her vision for how much better she will be in the future. She believes that she will have great encounters that will teach her about life, a loving, kind family, and an independent spirit that will triumph over all her struggles

Writing Prompts For Essays About Myself

Write a basic description of yourself; describe where you live, your school or job, and your family and friends. You should also give readers a glimpse of your personality- are you outgoing, shy, or sporty? If you want to write more, you can also briefly explain your hobbies, interests, and skills. 

Each of us has our own strengths and weaknesses. Reflect on what you are good at and what you can improve on and select 1-2 from each to write about. Discuss what you can do to work on your weaknesses and improve yourself. 

An essential part of yourself is your uniqueness; for a strong essay about “myself,” think about beliefs, qualities, or values that set you apart from others. Write about one or more, but be sure to explain your choices clearly. You can write about what separates you in the context of your family, friend group, culture, or even society as a whole. 

Your beliefs and values are at the core of your being, as they guide the decisions you make every day. Discuss some of your basic beliefs and values and explain why they are important to you. For a stronger essay, be sure to explain how you use these in day-to-day life; give concrete examples of situations in which these beliefs and values are used. 

We are all shaped by our past experiences. Reflect on an experience, whether that be an achievement, setback, or just a fun memory, and explain its significance to you. Retell the story in detail and describe how it has impacted you and helped make you the person you are today. 

More often than not, family plays a big role in forming us. To give readers a better idea of your identity, describe your idea of family. Discuss its significance, impact, and role in your life. You may also choose to write about how your family has helped shape you into who you are. This should be based on personal experience; refrain from using external sources to inspire you.

Our likes and dislikes are an important part of who we are as well; in your essay, discuss a hobby of yours, preferably one you have been interested in for a long period of time, and explain why you enjoy it so much. You should also write about how it has helped you become yourself and made you a better person.  

Grammarly is one of our top grammar checkers. Find out why in this Grammarly review . If you’re stuck picking your next essay topic, check out our round-up of essay topics about education .

•    How to Write an About Myself Essay With Example

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How to write an about myself essay with example.

• Chloe Daniel
• Published On: July 09 ,2021

Getting Started

When you may have to write about yourself.

• Career advancement opportunities
• Internship inquiry letters
• Biographies
• Graduate school applications
• Cover letters
• Grant proposals

How to Write an Essay About Myself?

• Introduce yourself.
• Make sure to include your most important professional experience.
• Talk about significant awards or personal achievements.
• Introduce details about your personal life.
• Use a friendly and casual tone unless stated otherwise. 

What Else Do You Need to Include in Your Self Introduction Essay? 

• The things you want to learn.
• Your aspirations and dreams.
• The things you are good at.
• Your hobbies.

A Sample About Myself Essay

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About Yourself Scholarship Essay Examples (2023)

Jennifer Finetti Sep 28, 2022

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A popular scholarship essay prompt is “Tell us about yourself.” This question is relatively open-ended, which may make it difficult to answer at first glance. What should I tell them about myself? My struggles, my goals, my passions…? These may all be fitting topics, depending on the scholarship. We’ll show you some scholarship essay examples about yourself, along with writing tips to guide you along the way.

What they want to know about you

As you prepare to write, think of the topics the scholarship committee would be interested in. These may include:

• Your current degree, as it applies to your overall career goals. You can explain why you chose your current educational path and what you want to do with that.
• Your short-term and long-term professional goals . Frame your answer as if to say “Where will you be in 5 years? Where will you be in 10 years?” Scholarship committees like to reward people with defined aspirations.
• Past experiences that sparked your passions. You could talk about an influential person in your life, but make sure most of the essay focuses on you. After all, you are talking about yourself.
• Something about you that relates to their organization. With any scholarship essay, you should try to connect yourself with the organization providing the funding. Don’t force a connection. Find one that naturally fits. Mention hobbies, experiences and goals that match what the review committee is looking for.
• Something unique that sets you apart from other applicants. This may be volunteer experience, career specialties, situational differences (growing up in an area that didn’t encourage education), etc.

Note that you do not have to throw all this information into one essay. Choose the elements that best fit the scholarship. If you were on the review board, what would you want to learn about each applicant? What would make you choose one applicant over another? Keep this in mind as you develop your thoughts.

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What they don’t want to know about you

There is plenty of information you could include in an about yourself scholarship essay. There is just as much information to avoid though. Some topics to keep out of your essay include:

• False information. Do not make up stories or fabricate goals to fit the prompt. The scholarship committee can instantly tell when someone is lying, and they will disqualify you immediately.
• Past struggles that do not pertain to the essay topic. You can briefly mention struggles from your past, as long as you mention how you’ve learned from them. Do not make your essay a long story about the hard life you’ve led. Focus on your triumphs, not your obstacles.
• Vague goals and aspirations. Scholarships are usually given to students who have a plan. If you say, “I’m not sure what I’m doing yet,” the committee will select a more motivated candidate. If you have a plan and a backup plan, that’s fine. Just make sure you mention both options and show which one you favor.
• Cliché stories that most people tell. There is something that makes you stand out as a person. Use that to your advantage. Don’t rely on generic information they’ll find with other applicants.
• Unrelated elements of your personal life. In most cases, you should not mention your significant other in the essay. You might mention a spouse if you need to reference your children or a turning point in your life, but these personal details do not fit most essays. Any information that seems frivolous or ill-placed should be removed from the essay.

Read through your essay carefully. If you stop at one point to say, “Why did I mention that?” get rid of the corresponding information. Showcase the best elements about yourself in a fluid and cohesive manner.

Short scholarship essay example: Tell us about yourself (100 Words)

With 100 words, you can only focus on one or two elements of your life. Think about your biggest selling points – the things that show you are the ideal candidate. Start by introducing yourself and your educational status. Then jump into the main topic of the essay. You may not have room to mention how the scholarship will help your education. Instead, mention how your education can help your career. The other information will be implied.

My name is Christian Wood. I am a high school senior who will be attending the University of Nevada, Reno in the fall. I want to become an online journalist. My goal is to work for the Wall Street Journal, Bloomberg, Huffington Post, or another news outlet that has a strong online presence. Most people already get their news on the internet, and the industry will be even bigger by the time I graduate. Getting a degree in journalism with a focus on digital media will set me up for a fulfilling, fast-paced career fit for the future.

Word Count: 96

Medium scholarship essay example: Tell us about yourself (250 Words)

With a mid-length scholarship essay, you have more space to explain how your past has influenced your present and future goals. You should have rom for an intro paragraph, a few body paragraphs, and a conclusion (maybe incorporated into the last body paragraph). Think of a few main points you want to touch on, and write those down first. If you still have room, you can add more details about yourself.

My name is Sarah, and I spent most of my childhood on the wrong medication. I experienced a problem common in clinical psychology – misdiagnosis. Professionals provide inaccurate diagnoses for many reasons – f rom antiquated testing methods to limited education. I want to open my own psychological testing facility and help change that. Therefore, I am pursuing a Ph.D. in Clinical Neuropsychology.  I was diagnosed with ADHD as a child because I had trouble focusing in school. The medication m y doctor prescribed to me only made me numb to the world around me. I couldn’t think or process emotions, or had no emotions at all. After several years my parents finally decided to get a second opinion. I saw a specialist and she concluded that I didn’t have ADHD , but a combination of dyslexia and dysgraphia (difficulties with reading and writing). She sent us to a therapist who helped me learn how to work around my conditions, and my life improved tremendously. I went from being a lifeless student with barely passing grades to an honor roll student full of joy and excitement. Unfortunately, my story is not one of a kind. There are countless children in America who are put on mind-altering medications that do not adequately address their needs. I cannot help all of those children, but I can provide a better alternative for the ones in my area. Through proper education, funded by financial aid, I can learn about psychological evaluations and provide the most accurate diagnoses possible.

Word Count: 249

Long scholarship essay example: Tell us about yourself (500 Words)

Scholarship essays that are 500 words or longer let you tell the whole story. You can discuss your past, present and future in a comprehensive manner. Avoid rambling and make sure each topic contributes to the overall essay. If one piece feels out of place, remove it and elaborate more on the existing elements. By the end of the essay, the reader should have a full understanding of who you are and what you want to accomplish.

My name is Sierra Breault, and I am a junior at Murray State University. I am double-majoring in Criminal Justice and Forensics Science, and I will graduate in 2024 with two bachelor degrees. My career goal is in social justice, so I can contribute to criminal justice reform. I want to ensure that those who commit crimes are treated fairly.  I come from a small town where excessive force and even death by cop incidents are often committed, especially against minorities. A few years ago, one of my relatives was charged for a crime although the crime scene evidence wasn’t properly obtained, catalogued and analyzed.  This experience played a big part in my wish to study criminal justice. I started exploring the career more when I decided that a desk job just wasn’t for me. Throughout high school I struggled because of the routine nature of it all. I saw the same people and attended the same classes every single day. I knew I didn’t want a job that would be that stagnant. That’s when I got the idea to work in law enforcement, because there would always be a new challenge for me to tackle. After researching the field even more, I set my sights on crime scene investigation. I have performed much better academically in college than I ever did in high school. That’s because there is no routine to the experience. Every week, I have new projects to complete, tests to study for, and activities to try. I have been involved with the campus Crime Stoppers organization all three years of college, and I was elected president for the upcoming term. This lets me work closely with law enforcement to supplement my college education and further my career.   After graduating, I will apply for work as a dispatcher in a state organization, such as the Department of Criminal Investigation. While my ultimate goal is to work as a forensic analyst or crime scene investigator, those positions usually only go to people within the organization. Dispatch is the most direct option for career entry, giving me the best chance to pursue my dream career. I am applying for this scholarship to help me finish the last two years of my degrees. As a college junior and soon-to-be senior, my scholarship opportunities are limited. Most awards are reserved for freshmen. I took advantage of those early on, and I have one recurring scholarship that covers half of my tuition. However, I need additional financial aid to cover the remainder of my academic costs. I appreciate your consideration, and I hope that you can help me pursue a profession in criminal justice. This is my passion, and I have a clear plan to turn that passion into a lifelong career.

Word Count: 463

YOU SHOULD ALSO READ

Why I Deserve This Scholarship Essay Examples

Essay: How Will This Scholarship Help You Achieve Your Goals (W/Example)

Scholarship Essay Examples – Career Goals

Financial Need Scholarship Essay Examples

How to Write a Scholarship Motivation Letter

• Scholarship Essay

Jennifer Finetti

As a parent who recently helped her own kids embark on their college journeys, Jennifer approaches the transition from high school to college from a unique perspective. She truly enjoys engaging with students – helping them to build the confidence, knowledge, and insight needed to pursue their educational and career goals, while also empowering them with the strategies and skills needed to access scholarships and financial aid that can help limit college costs. She understands the importance of ensuring access to the edtech tools and resources that can make this process easier and more equitable - this drive to support underserved populations is what drew her to ScholarshipOwl. Jennifer has coached students from around the world, as well as in-person with local students in her own community. Her areas of focus include career exploration, major selection, college search and selection, college application assistance, financial aid and scholarship consultation, essay review and feedback, and more. She works with students who are at the top of their class, as well as those who are struggling. She firmly believes that all students, regardless of their circumstances, can succeed if they stay focused and work hard in school. Jennifer earned her MA in Counseling Psychology from National University, and her BA in Psychology from University of California, Santa Cruz.

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50 Inspiring Examples: Effective Self-Introductions

By Status.net Editorial Team on September 22, 2023 — 19 minutes to read

• Structure of a Good Self-introduction Part 1
• Examples of Self Introductions in a Job Interview Part 2
• Examples of Self Introductions in a Meeting Part 3
• Examples of Casual Self-Introductions in Group Settings Part 4
• Examples of Self-Introductions on the First Day of Work Part 5
• Examples of Good Self Introductions in a Social Setting Part 6
• Examples of Good Self Introductions on Social Media Part 7
• Self-Introductions in a Public Speaking Scenario Part 8
• Name-Role-Achievements Method Template and Examples Part 9
• Past-Present-Future Method Template and Examples Part 10
• Job Application Self-Introduction Email Example Part 11
• Networking Event Self-Introduction Email Example Part 12
• Conference Self-Introduction Email Example Part 13
• Freelance Work Self-Introduction Email Example Part 14
• New Job or Position Self-Introduction Email Example Part 15

Part 1 Structure of a Good Self-introduction

• 1. Greeting and introduction: Start by greeting the person you’re speaking to and introducing yourself. For example, “Hi, my name is Jane. Nice to meet you!”
• 2. Brief personal background: Give a brief overview of your personal background, such as where you’re from or what you do. For example, “I’m originally from California, but I moved to New York a few years ago. I work in marketing for a tech company.” Related: 10 Smart Answers: “Tell Me About Yourself”
• 3. Professional experience: Highlight your relevant professional experience, including your current or previous job titles and any notable achievements. For example, “I’ve been working in marketing for about 5 years now, and I’m currently a Senior Marketing Manager at my company. Last year, I led a successful campaign that resulted in a 20% increase in sales.” Related: How to Describe Yourself (Best Examples for Job Interviews)
• 4. Skills and strengths: Mention any skills or strengths that are relevant to the conversation or the situation you’re in. For example, “I’m really passionate about data analysis and using insights to inform marketing strategy. I’m also a strong communicator and enjoy collaborating with cross-functional teams.” Related: 195 Positive Words to Describe Yourself [with Examples] 35 Smart Answers to “What Are Your Strengths?” What Are Your Strengths And Weaknesses? (Answers & Strategies)
• 5. Personal interests: Wrap up your self-introduction by mentioning a few personal interests or hobbies, which can help to humanize you and make you more relatable. For example, “In my free time, I love hiking and exploring new trails. I’m also a big fan of trying out new restaurants and cooking at home.”
• Related: Core Values List: 150+ Awesome Examples of Personal Values Best Examples of “Fun Facts About Me” What Are Your Values? How to Discover Your Values

Part 2 Examples of Good Self Introductions in a Job Interview

Try to cover these aspects:

• Current or most recent position/job
• A relevant accomplishment or strength
• Why you are excited about the company or role

Templates and Scripts

“Hello, my name is [Your Name], and I recently worked as a [Your Most Recent Position] at [Company/Organization]. I successfully managed a team of [Number] members, achieving a [Relevant Accomplishment or Growth]. I’m excited about the opportunity at [Interviewer’s Company] because [Reason Why You’re Interested].”

“Hi, I’m [Your Name], a [Current Job Title or Major Accomplishment]. I’m passionate about [Relevant Industry or Skillset] and have a proven track record of [Specific Result or Achievement]. I believe my skills and experience make me well-suited for this role at [Company], and I’m excited to explore how I can contribute to [Company Goal or Project].”

“Hi, my name is Jane Doe, and I’m the Assistant Marketing Manager at ABC Corp. I recently implemented a successful social media campaign, which increased engagement by 30%. I’m thrilled about the possibility of working with XYZ Inc. because of your innovative marketing strategies.”

“Hello, I’m John Smith, a financial analyst with five years of experience in the banking industry. I’ve consistently exceeded sales targets and helped my team win an award for excellent customer service. I’m excited to join DEF Ltd. because of your focus on sustainable and responsible investing.”

Try to tailor your introduction to the specific interview situation and always show enthusiasm for the position and company. This will show the interviewer that you are the right fit.

Related: How to Describe Yourself (Best Examples for Job Interviews)

Part 3 Examples of Good Self Introductions in a Meeting

General tips.

• Start with a greeting: Begin with a simple “hello” or “good morning.”
• State your name clearly: Don’t assume everyone knows you already.
• Mention your role in the company: Help others understand your position.
• Share relevant experience or accomplishments: Give context to your expertise.
• Be brief: Save detailed explanations for later conversations.
• Show enthusiasm: Display interest in the meeting and its objectives.
• Welcome others: Encourage a sense of connection and camaraderie.
• Basic introduction : Hi, I’m [Name], and I work as a [Your Role] in the [Department]. It’s great to meet you all.
• Involvement-focused : Good morning, everyone. I’m [Name], [Your Role]. I handle [Responsibility] in our team, and I’m looking forward to working with you on [Project].
• Experience-based : Hello! My name is [Name] and I’m the [Your Role] here. I’ve [Number of Years] of experience in [Skills or Industry], so I hope to contribute to our discussions during the meeting.
• New team member : Hi, I’m [Name]. I just joined the [Department] team as the new [Your Role]. I have a background in [Relevant Experience] and am excited to start working with you on our projects!
• External consultant : Hello everyone, my name is [Name], and I’m here in my capacity as a [Your Role] with [Your Company]. I specialize in [Skill or Industry], and I’m looking forward to partnering with your team to achieve our goals.
• Guest speaker : Good morning, I’m [Name], a [Your Position] at [Organization]. I have expertise in [Subject], and I’m honored to be here today to share my insights with you.

Related: 10 Smart Answers: “Tell Me About Yourself”

Part 4 Examples of Casual Self-Introductions in Group Settings

Template 1:.

“Hi, I’m [your name], and I’m a [profession or role]. I love [personal hobby or interest].”

“Hi, I’m Emily, and I’m a pediatric nurse. I love gardening and spending my weekends tending to my colorful flower beds.”

“Hello, I’m Mark, and I work as a data analyst. I love reading science fiction novels and discussing the intricacies of the stories with fellow book enthusiasts.”

“Hey there, I’m Jessica, and I’m a chef. I have a passion for traveling and trying new cuisines from around the world, which complements my profession perfectly.”

Template 2:

“Hey everyone, my name is [your name]. I work as a [profession or role], and when I’m not doing that, I enjoy [activity].”

“Hey everyone, my name is Alex. I work as a marketing manager, and when I’m not doing that, I enjoy hiking in the wilderness and capturing the beauty of nature with my camera.”

“Hello, I’m Michael. I work as a software developer, and when I’m not coding, I enjoy playing chess competitively and participating in local tournaments.”

“Hi there, I’m Sarah. I work as a veterinarian, and when I’m not taking care of animals, I enjoy painting landscapes and creating art inspired by my love for wildlife.”

“Hi there! I’m [your name]. I’m currently working as a [profession or role], and I have a passion for [hobby or interest].”

“Hi there! I’m Rachel. I’m currently working as a social worker, and I have a passion for advocating for mental health awareness and supporting individuals on their journeys to recovery.”

“Hello, I’m David. I’m currently working as a financial analyst, and I have a passion for volunteering at local animal shelters and helping rescue animals find their forever homes.”

“Hey, I’m Lisa. I’m currently working as a marine biologist, and I have a passion for scuba diving and exploring the vibrant underwater ecosystems that our oceans hold.”

Related: 195 Positive Words to Describe Yourself [with Examples]

Part 5 Examples of Good Self-Introductions on the First Day of Work

• Simple Introduction : “Hi, my name is [Your name], and I’m the new [Your position] here. I recently graduated from [Your university or institution] and am excited to join the team. I’m looking forward to working with you all.”
• Professional Background : “Hello everyone, I’m [Your name]. I’ve joined as the new [Your position]. With my background in [Your skills or experience], I’m eager to contribute to our projects and learn from all of you. Don’t hesitate to reach out if you have any questions.”
• Personal Touch : “Hey there! I’m [Your name], and I’ve recently joined as the new [Your position]. On the personal side, I enjoy [Your hobbies] during my free time. I’m looking forward to getting to know all of you and working together.”

Feel free to tweak these scripts as needed to fit your personality and work environment!

Here are some specific examples of self-introductions on the first day of work:

• “Hi, my name is Alex, and I’m excited to be the new Marketing Manager here. I’ve been in the marketing industry for five years and have worked on various campaigns. Outside of work, I love exploring new hiking trails and photography. I can’t wait to collaborate with you all.”
• “Hello, I’m Priya, your new Software Engineer. I graduated from XYZ University with a degree in computer science and have experience in Python, Java, and web development. In my free time, I enjoy playing the guitar and attending live concerts. I’m eager to contribute to our team’s success and learn from all of you.”

Related: Core Values List: 150+ Awesome Examples of Personal Values

Part 6 Examples of Good Self Introductions in a Social Setting

Casual gatherings: “Hi, I’m [Name]. Nice to meet you! I’m a huge fan of [hobby]. How about you, what do you enjoy doing in your free time?”

Networking events: “Hello, I’m [Name] and I work as a [profession] at [company]. I’m excited to learn more about what everyone here does. What brings you here today?”

Parties at a friend’s house: “Hi there, my name is [Name]. I’m a friend of [host’s name] from [work/school/etc]. How do you know [host’s name]?”

• Casual gathering: “Hey, my name is Jane. Great to meet you! I love exploring new coffee shops around the city. What’s your favorite thing to do on weekends?”
• Networking event: “Hi, I’m John, a website developer at XY Technologies. I’m eager to connect with people in the industry. What’s your field of expertise?”
• Party at a friend’s house: “Hello, I’m Laura. I met our host, Emily, in our college photography club. How did you and Emily become friends?”

Related: Best Examples of “Fun Facts About Me”

Part 7 Examples of Good Self Introductions on Social Media

• Keep it brief: Social media is fast-paced, so stick to the essentials and keep your audience engaged.
• Show your personality: Let your audience know who you are beyond your job title or education.
• Include a call-to-action: Encourage your followers to engage with you by asking a question or directing them to your website or other social media profiles.

Template 1: Brief and professional

Hi, I’m [Your Name]. I’m a [Job Title/Field] with a passion for [Interests or Hobbies]. Connect with me to chat about [Subject Matter] or find more of my work at [Website or Social Media Handle].

Template 2: Casual and personal

Hey there! I’m [Your Name] and I love all things [Interest or Hobby]. In my day job, I work as a [Job Title/Field]. Let’s connect and talk about [Shared Interest] or find me on [Other Social Media Platforms]!

Template 3: Skill-focused

Hi, I’m [Your Name], a [Job Title/Field] specializing in [Skills or Expertise]. Excited to network and share insights on [Subject Matter]. Reach out if you need help with [Skill or Topic] or want to discuss [Related Interest]!

Example 1: Brief and professional

Hi, I’m Jane Doe. I’m a Marketing Manager with a passion for photography and blogging. Connect with me to chat about the latest digital marketing trends or find more of my work at jdoephotography.com.

Example 2: Casual and personal

Hey there! I’m John Smith and I love all things coffee and travel. In my day job, I work as a software developer. Let’s connect and talk about adventures or find me on Instagram at @johnsmithontour!

Example 3: Skill-focused

Hi, I’m Lisa Brown, a Graphic Designer specializing in branding and typography. Excited to network and share insights on design. Reach out if you need help with creating visually appealing brand identities or want to discuss minimalistic art!

Part 8 Self-Introductions in a Public Speaking Scenario

• Professional introduction: “Hello, my name is [Your Name], and I have [number of years] of experience working in [your field]. Throughout my career, I have [briefly mention one or two significant accomplishments]. Today, I am excited to share [the main point of your presentation].”
• Casual introduction: “Hey everyone, I’m [Your Name], and I [briefly describe yourself, e.g., your hobbies or interests]. I’m really thrilled to talk to you about [the main point of your presentation]. Let’s dive right into it!”
• Creative introduction: “Imagine [paint a visual with a relevant story]. That’s where my passion began for [the main point of your presentation]. My name is [Your Name], and [mention relevant background/information].”
• Professional introduction: “Hello, my name is Jane Smith, and I have 15 years of experience working in marketing and advertisement. Throughout my career, I have helped companies increase their revenue by up to 50% using creative marketing strategies. Today, I am excited to share my insights in implementing effective social media campaigns.”
• Casual introduction: “Hey everyone, I’m John Doe, and I love hiking and playing the guitar in my free time. I’m really thrilled to talk to you about the impact of music on mental well-being, a topic close to my heart. Let’s dive right into it!”
• Creative introduction: “Imagine standing at the edge of a cliff, looking down at the breathtaking view of nature. That’s where my passion began for landscape photography. My name is Alex Brown, and I’ve been fortunate enough to turn my hobby into a successful career. Today, I’ll share my expertise on capturing stunning images with just a few simple techniques.”

Effective Templates for Self-Introductions

Part 9 name-role-achievements method template and examples.

When introducing yourself, consider using the NAME-ROLE-ACHIEVEMENTS template. Start with your name, then mention the role you’re in, and highlight key achievements or experiences you’d like to share.

“Hello, I’m [Your Name]. I’m currently working as a [Your Current Role/Position] with [Your Current Company/Organization]. Some of my key achievements or experiences include [Highlight 2-3 Achievements or Experiences].”

“Hello, I’m Sarah Johnson. I’m a Senior Software Engineer with over 10 years of experience in the tech industry. Some of my key achievements include leading a cross-functional team to develop a groundbreaking mobile app that garnered over 5 million downloads and receiving the ‘Tech Innovator of the Year’ award in 2020.”

“Hi there, my name is [Your Name]. I serve as a [Your Current Role] at [Your Current Workplace]. In my role, I’ve had the opportunity to [Describe What You Do]. One of my proudest achievements is [Highlight a Significant Achievement].”

“Hi there, my name is David Martinez. I currently serve as the Director of Marketing at XYZ Company. In my role, I’ve successfully executed several high-impact marketing campaigns, resulting in a 30% increase in brand visibility and a 15% boost in revenue last year.”

Template 3:

“Greetings, I’m [Your Name]. I hold the position of [Your Current Role] at [Your Current Company]. With [Number of Years] years of experience in [Your Industry], I’ve had the privilege of [Mention a Notable Experience].”

“Greetings, I’m Emily Anderson. I hold the position of Senior Marketing Manager at BrightStar Solutions. With over 8 years of experience in the technology and marketing industry, I’ve had the privilege of spearheading the launch of our flagship product, which led to a 40% increase in market share within just six months.”

Part 10 Past-Present-Future Method Template and Examples

Another template is the PAST-PRESENT-FUTURE method, where you talk about your past experiences, your current situation, and your future goals in a concise and engaging manner.

“In the past, I worked as a [Your Previous Role] where I [Briefly Describe Your Previous Role]. Currently, I am [Your Current Role] at [Your Current Workplace], where I [Briefly Describe Your Current Responsibilities]. Looking to the future, my goal is to [Your Future Aspirations].”

“In the past, I worked as a project manager at ABC Corporation, where I oversaw the successful delivery of multiple complex projects, each on time and within budget. Currently, I’m pursuing an MBA degree to enhance my business acumen and leadership skills. Looking to the future, my goal is to leverage my project management experience and MBA education to take on more strategic roles in the company and contribute to its long-term growth.”

“In my earlier career, I [Describe Your Past Career Experience]. Today, I’m [Your Current Role] at [Your Current Company], where I [Discuss Your Current Contributions]. As I look ahead, I’m excited to [Outline Your Future Plans and Aspirations].”

“In my previous role as a software developer, I had the opportunity to work on cutting-edge technologies, including AI and machine learning. Today, I’m a data scientist at XYZ Labs, where I analyze large datasets to extract valuable insights. In the future, I aspire to lead a team of data scientists and contribute to groundbreaking research in the field of artificial intelligence.”

“During my previous role as a [Your Previous Role], I [Discuss a Relevant Past Achievement or Experience]. Now, I am in the position of [Your Current Role] at [Your Current Company], focusing on [Describe Your Current Focus]. My vision for the future is to [Share Your Future Goals].”

“During my previous role as a Sales Associate at Maplewood Retail, I consistently exceeded monthly sales targets by fostering strong customer relationships and providing exceptional service. Now, I am in the position of Assistant Store Manager at Hillside Emporium, where I focus on optimizing store operations and training the sales team to deliver outstanding customer experiences. My vision for the future is to continue growing in the retail industry and eventually take on a leadership role in multi-store management.”

Examples of Self-introduction Emails

Part 11 job application self-introduction email example.

Subject: Introduction from [Your Name] – [Job Title] Application

Dear [Hiring Manager’s Name],

I am writing to introduce myself and express my interest in the [Job Title] position at [Company Name]. My name is [Your Name], and I am a [Your Profession] with [Number of Years] of experience in the field.

I am impressed with [Company Name]’s reputation for [Company’s Achievements or Mission]. I am confident that my skills and experience align with the requirements of the job, and I am excited about the opportunity to contribute to the company’s success.

Please find my resume attached for your review. I would appreciate the opportunity to discuss my qualifications further and learn more about the position. Thank you for considering my application.

Sincerely, [Your Name]

Related: Get More Interviews: Follow Up on Job Applications (Templates)

Part 12 Networking Event Self-Introduction Email Example

Subject: Introduction from [Your Name]

Dear [Recipient’s Name],

I hope this email finds you well. My name is [Your Name], and I am excited to introduce myself to you. I am currently working as a [Your Profession] and have been in the field for [Number of Years]. I am attending the [Networking Event Name] event next week and I am hoping to meet new people and expand my network.

I am interested in learning more about your work and experience in the industry. Would it be possible to schedule a quick call or meeting during the event to chat further?

Thank you for your time, and I look forward to hearing back from you.

Best regards, [Your Name]

Part 13 Conference Self-Introduction Email Example

Subject: Introduction from [Your Name] – [Conference or Event Name]

I am excited to introduce myself to you as a fellow attendee of [Conference or Event Name]. My name is [Your Name], and I am a [Your Profession or Industry].

I am looking forward to the conference and the opportunity to network with industry experts like yourself. I am particularly interested in [Conference or Event Topics], and I would love to discuss these topics further with you.

If you have some free time during the conference, would you be interested in meeting up for coffee or lunch? I would love to learn more about your experience and insights in the industry.

Part 14 Freelance Work Self-Introduction Email Example

Subject: Introduction from [Your Name] – Freelance Writer

Dear [Client’s Name],

My name is [Your Name], and I am a freelance writer with [Number of Years] of experience in the industry. I came across your website and was impressed by the quality of your content and the unique perspective you offer.

I am writing to introduce myself and express my interest in working with you on future projects. I specialize in [Your Writing Niche], and I believe my skills and experience would be a great fit for your content needs.

Please find my portfolio attached for your review. I would love to discuss your content needs further and explore how we can work together to achieve your goals. Thank you for your time, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Part 15 New Job or Position Self-Introduction Email Example

Subject: Introduction from [Your Name] – New [Job Title or Position]

Dear [Team or Department Name],

I am excited to introduce myself as the new [Job Title or Position] at [Company Name]. My name is [Your Name], and I am looking forward to working with all of you.

I have [Number of Years] of experience in the industry and have worked on [Your Achievements or Projects]. I am excited to bring my skills and experience to the team and contribute to the company’s success.

I would love to schedule some time to meet with each of you and learn more about your role in the company and how we can work together. Thank you for your time, and I look forward to meeting all of you soon.

Frequently Asked Questions

How can you create a powerful self-introduction script for job interviews.

To make a strong impression in job interviews, prepare a script that includes:

• Your name and current role or profession.
• Relevant past experiences and accomplishments.
• Personal skills or attributes relevant to the job.
• A brief mention of your motivation for applying.
• An engaging statement that connects your aspirations with the role or company.

How can students present a captivating self-introduction in class?

For an engaging self-introduction in class, consider mentioning:

• Your name and major.
• Where you’re from or something unique about your upbringing.
• Hobbies, interests, or extracurricular activities.
• An interesting fact or anecdote about yourself.
• Your academic or career goals and how they connect to the class.

What are tips for introducing yourself to a new team at work?

When introducing yourself to a new team at work, consider the following tips:

• Be friendly, respectful, and approachable.
• Start with your name and role, then briefly describe your responsibilities.
• Mention your background, skills, and relevant experiences.
• Share a personal interest or fun fact to add a personal touch.
• Express how excited you are to be part of the team and your desire to collaborate effectively.

How do you structure a self-introduction in English for various scenarios?

Regardless of the scenario, a well-structured self-introduction includes:

• Greeting and stating your name.
• Mentioning your role, profession, or status.
• Providing brief background information or relevant experiences.
• Sharing a personal touch or unique attribute.
• Concluding with an engaging statement, relevant to the context, that shows your enthusiasm or interest.
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• How to write an essay introduction | 4 steps & examples

How to Write an Essay Introduction | 4 Steps & Examples

Published on February 4, 2019 by Shona McCombes . Revised on July 23, 2023.

A good introduction paragraph is an essential part of any academic essay . It sets up your argument and tells the reader what to expect.

The main goals of an introduction are to:

• Catch your reader’s attention.
• Give background on your topic.
• Present your thesis statement —the central point of your essay.

This introduction example is taken from our interactive essay example on the history of Braille.

The invention of Braille was a major turning point in the history of disability. The writing system of raised dots used by visually impaired people was developed by Louis Braille in nineteenth-century France. In a society that did not value disabled people in general, blindness was particularly stigmatized, and lack of access to reading and writing was a significant barrier to social participation. The idea of tactile reading was not entirely new, but existing methods based on sighted systems were difficult to learn and use. As the first writing system designed for blind people’s needs, Braille was a groundbreaking new accessibility tool. It not only provided practical benefits, but also helped change the cultural status of blindness. This essay begins by discussing the situation of blind people in nineteenth-century Europe. It then describes the invention of Braille and the gradual process of its acceptance within blind education. Subsequently, it explores the wide-ranging effects of this invention on blind people’s social and cultural lives.

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Table of contents

Step 1: hook your reader, step 2: give background information, step 3: present your thesis statement, step 4: map your essay’s structure, step 5: check and revise, more examples of essay introductions, other interesting articles, frequently asked questions about the essay introduction.

Your first sentence sets the tone for the whole essay, so spend some time on writing an effective hook.

Avoid long, dense sentences—start with something clear, concise and catchy that will spark your reader’s curiosity.

The hook should lead the reader into your essay, giving a sense of the topic you’re writing about and why it’s interesting. Avoid overly broad claims or plain statements of fact.

Examples: Writing a good hook

Take a look at these examples of weak hooks and learn how to improve them.

• Braille was an extremely important invention.
• The invention of Braille was a major turning point in the history of disability.

The first sentence is a dry fact; the second sentence is more interesting, making a bold claim about exactly  why the topic is important.

• The internet is defined as “a global computer network providing a variety of information and communication facilities.”
• The spread of the internet has had a world-changing effect, not least on the world of education.

Avoid using a dictionary definition as your hook, especially if it’s an obvious term that everyone knows. The improved example here is still broad, but it gives us a much clearer sense of what the essay will be about.

• Mary Shelley’s  Frankenstein is a famous book from the nineteenth century.
• Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein is often read as a crude cautionary tale about the dangers of scientific advancement.

Instead of just stating a fact that the reader already knows, the improved hook here tells us about the mainstream interpretation of the book, implying that this essay will offer a different interpretation.

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Next, give your reader the context they need to understand your topic and argument. Depending on the subject of your essay, this might include:

• Historical, geographical, or social context
• An outline of the debate you’re addressing
• A summary of relevant theories or research about the topic
• Definitions of key terms

The information here should be broad but clearly focused and relevant to your argument. Don’t give too much detail—you can mention points that you will return to later, but save your evidence and interpretation for the main body of the essay.

How much space you need for background depends on your topic and the scope of your essay. In our Braille example, we take a few sentences to introduce the topic and sketch the social context that the essay will address:

Now it’s time to narrow your focus and show exactly what you want to say about the topic. This is your thesis statement —a sentence or two that sums up your overall argument.

This is the most important part of your introduction. A  good thesis isn’t just a statement of fact, but a claim that requires evidence and explanation.

The goal is to clearly convey your own position in a debate or your central point about a topic.

Particularly in longer essays, it’s helpful to end the introduction by signposting what will be covered in each part. Keep it concise and give your reader a clear sense of the direction your argument will take.

As you research and write, your argument might change focus or direction as you learn more.

For this reason, it’s often a good idea to wait until later in the writing process before you write the introduction paragraph—it can even be the very last thing you write.

When you’ve finished writing the essay body and conclusion , you should return to the introduction and check that it matches the content of the essay.

It’s especially important to make sure your thesis statement accurately represents what you do in the essay. If your argument has gone in a different direction than planned, tweak your thesis statement to match what you actually say.

To polish your writing, you can use something like a paraphrasing tool .

You can use the checklist below to make sure your introduction does everything it’s supposed to.

Checklist: Essay introduction

My first sentence is engaging and relevant.

I have introduced the topic with necessary background information.

I have defined any important terms.

My thesis statement clearly presents my main point or argument.

Everything in the introduction is relevant to the main body of the essay.

You have a strong introduction - now make sure the rest of your essay is just as good.

• Argumentative
• Literary analysis

This introduction to an argumentative essay sets up the debate about the internet and education, and then clearly states the position the essay will argue for.

The spread of the internet has had a world-changing effect, not least on the world of education. The use of the internet in academic contexts is on the rise, and its role in learning is hotly debated. For many teachers who did not grow up with this technology, its effects seem alarming and potentially harmful. This concern, while understandable, is misguided. The negatives of internet use are outweighed by its critical benefits for students and educators—as a uniquely comprehensive and accessible information source; a means of exposure to and engagement with different perspectives; and a highly flexible learning environment.

This introduction to a short expository essay leads into the topic (the invention of the printing press) and states the main point the essay will explain (the effect of this invention on European society).

In many ways, the invention of the printing press marked the end of the Middle Ages. The medieval period in Europe is often remembered as a time of intellectual and political stagnation. Prior to the Renaissance, the average person had very limited access to books and was unlikely to be literate. The invention of the printing press in the 15th century allowed for much less restricted circulation of information in Europe, paving the way for the Reformation.

This introduction to a literary analysis essay , about Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein , starts by describing a simplistic popular view of the story, and then states how the author will give a more complex analysis of the text’s literary devices.

Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein is often read as a crude cautionary tale. Arguably the first science fiction novel, its plot can be read as a warning about the dangers of scientific advancement unrestrained by ethical considerations. In this reading, and in popular culture representations of the character as a “mad scientist”, Victor Frankenstein represents the callous, arrogant ambition of modern science. However, far from providing a stable image of the character, Shelley uses shifting narrative perspectives to gradually transform our impression of Frankenstein, portraying him in an increasingly negative light as the novel goes on. While he initially appears to be a naive but sympathetic idealist, after the creature’s narrative Frankenstein begins to resemble—even in his own telling—the thoughtlessly cruel figure the creature represents him as.

If you want to know more about AI tools , college essays , or fallacies make sure to check out some of our other articles with explanations and examples or go directly to our tools!

• Ad hominem fallacy
• Post hoc fallacy
• Appeal to authority fallacy
• False cause fallacy
• Sunk cost fallacy

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Your essay introduction should include three main things, in this order:

• An opening hook to catch the reader’s attention.
• Relevant background information that the reader needs to know.
• A thesis statement that presents your main point or argument.

The length of each part depends on the length and complexity of your essay .

The “hook” is the first sentence of your essay introduction . It should lead the reader into your essay, giving a sense of why it’s interesting.

To write a good hook, avoid overly broad statements or long, dense sentences. Try to start with something clear, concise and catchy that will spark your reader’s curiosity.

A thesis statement is a sentence that sums up the central point of your paper or essay . Everything else you write should relate to this key idea.

The thesis statement is essential in any academic essay or research paper for two main reasons:

• It gives your writing direction and focus.
• It gives the reader a concise summary of your main point.

Without a clear thesis statement, an essay can end up rambling and unfocused, leaving your reader unsure of exactly what you want to say.

The structure of an essay is divided into an introduction that presents your topic and thesis statement , a body containing your in-depth analysis and arguments, and a conclusion wrapping up your ideas.

The structure of the body is flexible, but you should always spend some time thinking about how you can organize your essay to best serve your ideas.

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How to Write a Personal Essay for Your College Application

What does it take to land in the “accept” (instead of “reject”) pile?

How can you write an essay that helps advance you in the eyes of the admissions officers and makes a real impression? Here are some tips to get you started.

• Start early.  Do not leave it until the last minute. Give yourself time when you don’t have other homework or extracurriculars hanging over your head to work on the essay.
• Keep the focus narrow.  Your essay does not have to cover a massive, earth-shattering event. Some people in their teens haven’t experienced a major life event. Some people have. Either way, it’s okay.
• Be yourself.  Whether writing about a painful experience or a more simple experience, use the narrative to be vulnerable and honest about who you are. Use words you would normally use. Trust your voice and the fact that your story is interesting enough in that no one else has lived it.
• Be creative.  “Show, don’t tell,” and that applies here — to an extent. The best essays typically do both. You can help your reader see and feel what you are describing by using some figurative language throughout your piece.
• Make a point. As you finish your final body paragraphs ask yourself “So what?” This will help you hone in on how to end your essay in a way that elevates it into a story about an insight or discovery you made about yourself, rather than just being about an experience you had.

We’ve all heard about the dreaded “college essay,” the bane of every high school senior’s existence. This daunting element of the college application is something that can create angst for even the most accomplished students.

• AA Amy Allen is a writer, educator, and lifelong learner. Her freelance writing business,  All of the Write Words , focuses on providing high school students with one-on-one feedback to guide them through the college application process and with crafting a thoughtful personal essay. A dedicated poet, Amy’s work has also been published in several journals including  Pine Row Press ,  Months to Years,  and  Atlanta Review .

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Self-Introduction Essay As A Way To Present Yourself

By: Henrique Bertulino

"Tell me something about yourself" - is this question familiar to you?

Why Do You Need a Self-Introduction Essay?

Self-introduction: what is it, present your running status, summarize your professional experience and achievements, tell about your hobby, killer feature, complete the purpose of your essay, a few more tips:.

• A Sample Essay About Myself (For Employment)

Consult The Experts

How do we feel at this moment? Confused, anxious, panicked, or, on the contrary, confident, determined, and relaxed? It all depends on how ready we are for this question.

Read this article to the end, and presenting yourself in an essay or orally in any situation will no longer be stressful for you. You will consider every opportunity to tell about yourself a great chance to win the favor of the admission's committee or to get a new job.

Situations where self-introduction is required:

• A story about yourself in a cover letter during the college application process.
• Presentation-story about yourself in front of the client when we present our product or service.
• Self-introduction during the speech to the audience.
• A short story about yourself during the acquaintance.
• Story about yourself in the job interview.
• Myself essay can be one of the college assignment.

If you are a high school graduate who aims to make a positive impression when entering college, you just have to delve into all the intricacies of personal essays.

If you are a candidate for the position in the company of your dreams, you simply do not have the right to fail a job interview, so you must learn to speak clearly about yourself.

If you have set a higher career goal , you will also have to learn to describe yourself, your achievements, and aspirations - this information will be interesting to your future employee.

As you can see, you have many reasons to learn how to write a self-introduction essay. So, let's get down to business!

Self-introduction is our story about ourselves to another person or group of people in order to get to know each other better and achieve other goals. In particular, with such a story, we can add credibility, make a positive impression, interest, or be remembered.

How To Present Yourself In An Essay Skillfully

It seems that telling something about yourself is a very easy task. After all, we already know everything about ourselves; we just need to say something. But we know too much. And when we are asked "What do you do?" or "Tell us something about yourself", then in two seconds, we go through all our biography and try to choose what is worth telling.

We may have a stupor under such an influx of uncertainties, and the description of ourselves will be poor, both in content and presentation.

Therefore, we propose to make an approximate template of a high-quality story about yourself and include in it all the potentially important points and chips.

Your first sentence should look something like this:

"My name is Anna Johnson, I'm a graphic designer - I make logos that everyone remembers. I'm looking for a job in a company that will value my skills and accept me into its team."

As you can see, you need to give your name and job title. You can specify the position you want to hold, as well as the college you graduated from and your educational degree.

Make a list of abstracts about your experience, skills, achievements, as well as think about cases that you can tell.

Try to answer the following questions:

• How long have you been in this field?
• What special skills and abilities have you acquired?
• What achievements are you especially proud of?
• What interesting things did you manage to develop/come up with/advertise, etc.?

In this block, it is worth talking about what you are really competent in and what you do.

It is better not to embellish something too much or appropriate more achievements than you have. Prepare the details for your story in case of additional questions.

For example, if you are a businessman, you need to be prepared to explain what kind of business it is, what the indicators are, what are the features of its conduct.

Write about your hobbies. This point can show what really sets you apart as a candidate. Habits, inclinations, hobbies, interests outside the profession, life experience, cultural background, professional associations, and hangouts - this is not a complete list of what will reveal your potential.

For example, an interesting story about yourself may contain answers to the following questions:

• What have you been doing since early childhood, including hobbies and activities?
• What were you interested in at school?
• Where did you study after school? What did you learn there, what did you like, what did you do?
• What occupations and interests do you enjoy now?

This is what sets us apart, makes our story brighter and more memorable. You can use interesting ideas, humor, self-irony, find some connection to the situation around or the event in which the meeting takes place. A person who sees us for the first time should remember us thanks to such a killer feature. Then it will be an example of a successful self-introduction.

For example: I am an accountant with 10 years of experience - I keep accounts so that no tax will find flaws.

Self-presentation text is aimed at a specific goal. An example of such a "target" is an open vacancy, a promotion, or a useful acquaintance.

In order to achieve our goals, we must take into account the goals of the person to whom we present ourselves. This person usually has a very simple point: to determine what he or she can take from us, either professionally or personally.

Therefore, the main rule of self-introduction is to focus not on our characteristics and regalia but on what we can be useful to a person.

Conclude your essay with a sentence that will lead you to your goal. For example, if your aim is to get a job, the essay should end like this: "I'm sure I have enough skills and experience to fill a vacancy. Your company will only benefit by hiring me."

• First, your killer feature should be mentioned in the essay, but only in one sentence. All other information should relate to your professional experience and the qualities required to hold the position you are applying for.
• Second, you will talk about your successes and achievements in previous work or classes. It is important to explain, thanks to what knowledge, qualities, and traits of character you reached them. Because the admission committee is not interested in how good a student you used to be, but in what you can do for college with your knowledge. And a good self-presentation at an interview is an example of what you can be useful for.
• Third, prepare a story about the accomplishments you are most proud of because you are more likely to be asked about them.
• Fourth, if you do not have the experience, tell a story or several about how quickly you learned and developed the skills needed in the position.

A Sample Essay About Myself (For Employment)

My name is Anna Johnson, and I am 19.

I deal with software. I graduated from Carnegie Mellon University in 2020, and I have a BS in Computer Science.

I think my school gave me a good base. Despite the fact that I do not have a great professional path, I have experience in communicating with both large corporations and individual clients. While studying at the university, I had the opportunity to become a team member to develop a control system for access to documents of one of the leading libraries in our city.

My strengths - I like to solve problems, I am self-disciplined, and attentive to details. I learn quickly and can become both a great member of a great team and its leader.

My goal is to develop a career in database programming that can store billions of terms of information and become the cause of your company's success.

Thank you for the opportunity to tell me about yourself.

Writing essays about yourself is only a seemingly easy task. In fact, many college students may not know what is best to tell about themselves. Self-introduction is also a good tool for achieving your goals. Present yourself confidently and gracefully to touch your personality, interest the right people, and be remembered.

If you feel insecure about self-introduction, it is better to contact the writing service. We can help you write a unique and interesting story about yourself. Thanks to a professional team that will work on your essay, you will definitely achieve your goals.

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I'm a medical doctor and brand manager. The process of getting into Med school and studying at it made me learn and apply many strategies to keep my productivity high while spending less time and effort. As a working student, I had to figure out how to study smarter, not harder. During this period, my interest in neurology and psychiatry, as well as my aspiration to help others, intensified. At Studybay, I use my knowledge, skills, and experience to develop helpful solutions for students and make their study paths more productive and fun.

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Self introduction in front of a group of people is the most daunting task for me. I often can’t systematically arrange my thoughts. However, I always knew writing could help me thoroughly prepare before any interview. Essays have the power to channelize our thoughts. Now, I understand why some of my colleagues practice self-introduction as a full-proof preparation. I can sort my strengths and introduce myself more clearly with these tips. I loved the ‘killer feature’ tip. I think it is the USP of any person. Overall, fantastic insights to follow.

Thank you, Henrique, for advising me to how I can talk better of myself in public or write a creative essay on myself. As insignificant as the skill seems, it could determine whether you are going to land that dream job. Or whether you are going to connect better with influential people. From the start to the end, the article gave a step-by-step guide of introducing oneself to people in a way they keep remembering you. This article has been really helpful!

I know I'm an excellent English student, and I pride myself on my good writing skills. I never figured there were so many things needed to write an introductory essay. I eagerly look forward to implementing a few of the tips I've read here.

Emmanuel N.

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10 Personal Statement Essay Examples That Worked

What’s covered:, what is a personal statement.

• Essay 1: Summer Program
• Essay 2: Being Bangladeshi-American
• Essay 3: Why Medicine
• Essay 4: Love of Writing
• Essay 5: Starting a Fire
• Essay 6: Dedicating a Track
• Essay 7: Body Image and Eating Disorders
• Essay 8: Becoming a Coach
• Essay 9: Eritrea
• Essay 10: Journaling
• Is Your Personal Statement Strong Enough?

Your personal statement is any essay that you must write for your main application, such as the Common App Essay , University of California Essays , or Coalition Application Essay . This type of essay focuses on your unique experiences, ideas, or beliefs that may not be discussed throughout the rest of your application. This essay should be an opportunity for the admissions officers to get to know you better and give them a glimpse into who you really are.

In this post, we will share 10 different personal statements that were all written by real students. We will also provide commentary on what each essay did well and where there is room for improvement, so you can make your personal statement as strong as possible!

Please note: Looking at examples of real essays students have submitted to colleges can be very beneficial to get inspiration for your essays. You should never copy or plagiarize from these examples when writing your own essays. Colleges can tell when an essay isn’t genuine and will not view students favorably if they plagiarized. 

Personal Statement Examples

Essay example #1: exchange program.

The twisting roads, ornate mosaics, and fragrant scent of freshly ground spices had been so foreign at first. Now in my fifth week of the SNYI-L summer exchange program in Morocco, I felt more comfortable in the city. With a bag full of pastries from the market, I navigated to a bus stop, paid the fare, and began the trip back to my host family’s house. It was hard to believe that only a few years earlier my mom was worried about letting me travel around my home city on my own, let alone a place that I had only lived in for a few weeks. While I had been on a journey towards self-sufficiency and independence for a few years now, it was Morocco that pushed me to become the confident, self-reflective person that I am today.

As a child, my parents pressured me to achieve perfect grades, master my swim strokes, and discover interesting hobbies like playing the oboe and learning to pick locks. I felt compelled to live my life according to their wishes. Of course, this pressure was not a wholly negative factor in my life –– you might even call it support. However, the constant presence of my parents’ hopes for me overcame my own sense of desire and led me to become quite dependent on them. I pushed myself to get straight A’s, complied with years of oboe lessons, and dutifully attended hours of swim practice after school. Despite all these achievements, I felt like I had no sense of self beyond my drive for success. I had always been expected to succeed on the path they had defined. However, this path was interrupted seven years after my parents’ divorce when my dad moved across the country to Oregon.

I missed my dad’s close presence, but I loved my new sense of freedom. My parents’ separation allowed me the space to explore my own strengths and interests as each of them became individually busier. As early as middle school, I was riding the light rail train by myself, reading maps to get myself home, and applying to special academic programs without urging from my parents. Even as I took more initiatives on my own, my parents both continued to see me as somewhat immature. All of that changed three years ago, when I applied and was accepted to the SNYI-L summer exchange program in Morocco. I would be studying Arabic and learning my way around the city of Marrakesh. Although I think my parents were a little surprised when I told them my news, the addition of a fully-funded scholarship convinced them to let me go.

I lived with a host family in Marrakesh and learned that they, too, had high expectations for me. I didn’t know a word of Arabic, and although my host parents and one brother spoke good English, they knew I was there to learn. If I messed up, they patiently corrected me but refused to let me fall into the easy pattern of speaking English just as I did at home. Just as I had when I was younger, I felt pressured and stressed about meeting their expectations. However, one day, as I strolled through the bustling market square after successfully bargaining with one of the street vendors, I realized my mistake. My host family wasn’t being unfair by making me fumble through Arabic. I had applied for this trip, and I had committed to the intensive language study. My host family’s rules about speaking Arabic at home had not been to fulfill their expectations for me, but to help me fulfill my expectations for myself. Similarly, the pressure my parents had put on me as a child had come out of love and their hopes for me, not out of a desire to crush my individuality.

As my bus drove through the still-bustling market square and past the medieval Ben-Youssef madrasa, I realized that becoming independent was a process, not an event. I thought that my parents’ separation when I was ten had been the one experience that would transform me into a self-motivated and autonomous person. It did, but that didn’t mean that I didn’t still have room to grow. Now, although I am even more self-sufficient than I was three years ago, I try to approach every experience with the expectation that it will change me. It’s still difficult, but I understand that just because growth can be uncomfortable doesn’t mean it’s not important.

What the Essay Did Well

This is a nice essay because it delves into particular character trait of the student and how it has been shaped and matured over time. Although it doesn’t focus the essay around a specific anecdote, the essay is still successful because it is centered around this student’s independence. This is a nice approach for a personal statement: highlight a particular trait of yours and explore how it has grown with you.

The ideas in this essay are universal to growing up—living up to parents’ expectations, yearning for freedom, and coming to terms with reality—but it feels unique to the student because of the inclusion of details specific to them. Including their oboe lessons, the experience of riding the light rail by themselves, and the negotiations with a street vendor helps show the reader what these common tropes of growing up looked like for them personally. 

Another strength of the essay is the level of self-reflection included throughout the piece. Since there is no central anecdote tying everything together, an essay about a character trait is only successful when you deeply reflect on how you felt, where you made mistakes, and how that trait impacts your life. The author includes reflection in sentences like “ I felt like I had no sense of self beyond my drive for success, ” and “ I understand that just because growth can be uncomfortable doesn’t mean it’s not important. ” These sentences help us see how the student was impacted and what their point of view is.

What Could Be Improved

The largest change this essay would benefit from is to show not tell. The platitude you have heard a million times no doubt, but for good reason. This essay heavily relies on telling the reader what occurred, making us less engaged as the entire reading experience feels more passive. If the student had shown us what happens though, it keeps the reader tied to the action and makes them feel like they are there with the student, making it much more enjoyable to read. 

For example, they tell us about the pressure to succeed their parents placed on them: “ I pushed myself to get straight A’s, complied with years of oboe lessons, and dutifully attended hours of swim practice after school.”  They could have shown us what that pressure looked like with a sentence like this: “ My stomach turned somersaults as my rattling knee thumped against the desk before every test, scared to get anything less than a 95. For five years the painful squawk of the oboe only reminded me of my parents’ claps and whistles at my concerts. I mastered the butterfly, backstroke, and freestyle, fighting against the anchor of their expectations threatening to pull me down.”

If the student had gone through their essay and applied this exercise of bringing more detail and colorful language to sentences that tell the reader what happened, the essay would be really great. 

Table of Contents

Essay Example #2: Being Bangladeshi-American

Life before was good: verdant forests, sumptuous curries, and a devoted family.

Then, my family abandoned our comfortable life in Bangladesh for a chance at the American dream in Los Angeles. Within our first year, my father was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. He lost his battle three weeks before my sixth birthday. Facing a new country without the steady presence of my father, we were vulnerable — prisoners of hardship in the land of the free. We resettled in the Bronx, in my uncle’s renovated basement. It was meant to be our refuge, but I felt more displaced than ever. Gone were the high-rise condos of West L.A.; instead, government projects towered over the neighborhood. Pedestrians no longer smiled and greeted me; the atmosphere was hostile, even toxic. Schoolkids were quick to pick on those they saw as weak or foreign, hurling harsh words I’d never heard before.

Meanwhile, my family began integrating into the local Bangladeshi community. I struggled to understand those who shared my heritage. Bangladeshi mothers stayed home while fathers drove cabs and sold fruit by the roadside — painful societal positions. Riding on crosstown buses or walking home from school, I began to internalize these disparities. During my fleeting encounters with affluent Upper East Siders, I saw kids my age with nannies, parents who wore suits to work, and luxurious apartments with spectacular views. Most took cabs to their destinations: cabs that Bangladeshis drove. I watched the mundane moments of their lives with longing, aching to plant myself in their shoes. Shame prickled down my spine. I distanced myself from my heritage, rejecting the traditional panjabis worn on Eid and refusing the torkari we ate for dinner every day. 

As I grappled with my relationship with the Bangladeshi community, I turned my attention to helping my Bronx community by pursuing an internship with Assemblyman Luis Sepulveda. I handled desk work and took calls, spending the bulk of my time actively listening to the hardships constituents faced — everything from a veteran stripped of his benefits to a grandmother unable to support her bedridden grandchild.

I’d never exposed myself to stories like these, and now I was the first to hear them. As an intern, I could only assist in what felt like the small ways — pointing out local job offerings, printing information on free ESL classes, reaching out to non-profits. But to a community facing an onslaught of intense struggles, I realized that something as small as these actions could have vast impacts. Seeing the immediate consequences of my actions inspired me. Throughout that summer, I internalized my community’s daily challenges in a new light. I began to stop seeing the prevalent underemployment and cramped living quarters less as sources of shame. Instead, I saw them as realities that had to be acknowledged, but could ultimately be remedied. I also realized the benefits of the Bangladeshi culture I had been so ashamed of. My Bangla language skills were an asset to the office, and my understanding of Bangladeshi etiquette allowed for smooth communication between office staff and its constituents. As I helped my neighbors navigate city services, I saw my heritage with pride — a perspective I never expected to have.

I can now appreciate the value of my unique culture and background, and of living with less. This perspective offers room for progress, community integration, and a future worth fighting for. My time with Assemblyman Sepulveda’s office taught me that I can be a change agent in enabling this progression. Far from being ashamed of my community, I want to someday return to local politics in the Bronx to continue helping others access the American Dream. I hope to help my community appreciate the opportunity to make progress together. By embracing reality, I learned to live it. Along the way, I discovered one thing: life is good, but we can make it better.

This student’s passion for social justice and civic duty shines through in this essay because of how honest it is. Sharing their personal experience with immigrating, moving around, being an outsider, and finding a community allows us to see the hardships this student has faced and builds empathy towards their situation. However, what really makes it strong is that they go beyond describing the difficulties they faced and explain the mental impact it had on them as a child: Shame prickled down my spine. I distanced myself from my heritage, rejecting the traditional panjabis worn on Eid and refusing the torkari we ate for dinner every day. 

The rejection of their culture presented at the beginning of the essay creates a nice juxtaposition with the student’s view in the latter half of the essay and helps demonstrate how they have matured. They use their experience interning as a way to delve into a change in their thought process about their culture and show how their passion for social justice began. Using this experience as a mechanism to explore their thoughts and feelings is an excellent example of how items that are included elsewhere on your application should be incorporated into your essay.

This essay prioritizes emotions and personal views over specific anecdotes. Although there are details and certain moments incorporated throughout to emphasize the author’s points, the main focus remains on the student and how they grapple with their culture and identity.  

One area for improvement is the conclusion. Although the forward-looking approach is a nice way to end an essay focused on social justice, it would be nice to include more details and imagery in the conclusion. How does the student want to help their community? What government position do they see themselves holding one day? 

A more impactful ending might look like the student walking into their office at the New York City Housing Authority in 15 years and looking at the plans to build a new development in the Bronx just blocks away from where the grew up that would provide quality housing to people in their Bangladeshi community. They would smile while thinking about how far they have come from that young kid who used to be ashamed of their culture. 

Essay Example #3: Why Medicine

I took my first trip to China to visit my cousin Anna in July of 2014. Distance had kept us apart, but when we were together, we fell into all of our old inside jokes and caught up on each other’s lives. Her sparkling personality and optimistic attitude always brought a smile to my face. This time, however, my heart broke when I saw the effects of her brain cancer; she had suffered from a stroke that paralyzed her left side. She was still herself in many ways, but I could see that the damage to her brain made things difficult for her. I stayed by her every day, providing the support she needed, whether assisting her with eating and drinking, reading to her, or just watching “Friends.” During my flight back home, sorrow and helplessness overwhelmed me. Would I ever see Anna again? Could I have done more to make Anna comfortable? I wished I could stay in China longer to care for her. As I deplaned, I wondered if I could transform my grief to help other children and teenagers in the US who suffered as Anna did.

The day after I got home, as jet lag dragged me awake a few minutes after midnight, I remembered hearing about the Family Reach Foundation (FRF) and its work with children going through treatments at the local hospital and their families. I began volunteering in the FRF’s Children’s Activity Room, where I play with children battling cancer. Volunteering has both made me appreciate my own health and also cherish the new relationships I build with the children and families. We play sports, make figures out of playdoh, and dress up. When they take on the roles of firefighters or fairies, we all get caught up in the game; for that time, they forget the sanitized, stark, impersonal walls of the pediatric oncology ward. Building close relationships with them and seeing them giggle and laugh is so rewarding — I love watching them grow and get better throughout their course of treatment.

Hearing from the parents about their children’s condition and seeing the children recover inspired me to consider medical research. To get started, I enrolled in a summer collegelevel course in Abnormal Psychology. There I worked with Catelyn, a rising college senior, on a data analysis project regarding Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). Together, we examined the neurological etiology of DID by studying four fMRI and PET cases. I fell in love with gathering data and analyzing the results and was amazed by our final product: several stunning brain images showcasing the areas of hyper and hypoactivity in brains affected by DID. Desire quickly followed my amazement — I want to continue this project and study more brains. Their complexity, delicacy, and importance to every aspect of life fascinate me. Successfully completing this research project gave me a sense of hope; I know I am capable of participating in a large scale research project and potentially making a difference in someone else’s life through my research.

Anna’s diagnosis inspired me to begin volunteering at FRF; from there, I discovered my desire to help people further by contributing to medical research. As my research interest blossomed, I realized that it’s no coincidence that I want to study brains—after all, Anna suffered from brain cancer. Reflecting on these experiences this past year and a half, I see that everything I’ve done is connected. Sadly, a few months after I returned from China, Anna passed away. I am still sad, but as I run a toy truck across the floor and watch one of the little patients’ eyes light up, I imagine that she would be proud of my commitment to pursue medicine and study the brain.

This essay has a very strong emotional core that tugs at the heart strings and makes the reader feel invested. Writing about sickness can be difficult and doesn’t always belong in a personal statement, but in this case it works well because the focus is on how this student cared for her cousin and dealt with the grief and emotions surrounding her condition. Writing about the compassion she showed and the doubts and concerns that filled her mind keeps the focus on the author and her personality. 

This continues when she again discusses the activities she did with the kids at FRF and the personal reflection this experience allowed her to have. For example, she writes: Volunteering has both made me appreciate my own health and also cherish the new relationships I build with the children and families. We play sports, make figures out of playdoh, and dress up.

Concluding the essay with the sad story of her cousin’s passing brings the essay full circle and returns to the emotional heart of the piece to once again build a connection with the reader. However, it finishes on a hopeful note and demonstrates how this student has been able to turn a tragic experience into a source of lifelong inspiration. 

One thing this essay should be cognizant of is that personal statements should not read as summaries of your extracurricular resume. Although this essay doesn’t fully fall into that trap, it does describe two key extracurriculars the student participated in. However, the inclusion of such a strong emotional core running throughout the essay helps keep the focus on the student and her thoughts and feelings during these activities.

To avoid making this mistake, make sure you have a common thread running through your essay and the extracurriculars provide support to the story you are trying to tell, rather than crafting a story around your activities. And, as this essay does, make sure there is lots of personal reflection and feelings weaved throughout to focus attention to you rather than your extracurriculars. 

Essay Example #4: Love of Writing

“I want to be a writer.” This had been my answer to every youthful discussion with the adults in my life about what I would do when I grew up. As early as elementary school, I remember reading my writing pieces aloud to an audience at “Author of the Month” ceremonies. Bearing this goal in mind, and hoping to gain some valuable experience, I signed up for a journalism class during my freshman year. Despite my love for writing, I initially found myself uninterested in the subject and I struggled to enjoy the class. When I thought of writing, I imagined lyrical prose, profound poetry, and thrilling plot lines. Journalism required a laconic style and orderly structure, and I found my teacher’s assignments formulaic and dull. That class shook my confidence as a writer. I was uncertain if I should continue in it for the rest of my high school career.

Despite my misgivings, I decided that I couldn’t make a final decision on whether to quit journalism until I had some experience working for a paper outside of the classroom. The following year, I applied to be a staff reporter on our school newspaper. I hoped this would help me become more self-driven and creative, rather than merely writing articles that my teacher assigned. To my surprise, my time on staff was worlds away from what I experienced in the journalism class. Although I was unaccustomed to working in a fast-paced environment and initially found it burdensome to research and complete high-quality stories in a relatively short amount of time, I also found it exciting. I enjoyed learning more about topics and events on campus that I did not know much about; some of my stories that I covered in my first semester concerned a chess tournament, a food drive, and a Spanish immersion party. I relished in the freedom I had to explore and learn, and to write more independently than I could in a classroom.

Although I enjoyed many aspects of working for the paper immediately, reporting also pushed me outside of my comfort zone. I am a shy person, and speaking with people I did not know intimidated me. During my first interview, I met with the basketball coach to prepare for a story about the team’s winning streak. As I approached his office, I felt everything from my toes to my tongue freeze into a solid block, and I could hardly get out my opening questions. Fortunately, the coach was very kind and helped me through the conversation. Encouraged, I prepared for my next interview with more confidence. After a few weeks of practice, I even started to look forward to interviewing people on campus. That first journalism class may have bored me, but even if journalism in practice was challenging, it was anything but tedious.

Over the course of that year, I grew to love writing for our school newspaper. Reporting made me aware of my surroundings, and made me want to know more about current events on campus and in the town where I grew up. By interacting with people all over campus, I came to understand the breadth of individuals and communities that make up my high school. I felt far more connected to diverse parts of my school through my work as a journalist, and I realized that journalism gave me a window into seeing beyond my own experiences. The style of news writing may be different from what I used to think “writing” meant, but I learned that I can still derive exciting plots from events that may have gone unnoticed if not for my stories. I no longer struggle to approach others, and truly enjoy getting to know people and recognizing their accomplishments through my writing. Becoming a writer may be a difficult path, but it is as rewarding as I hoped when I was young.

This essay is clearly structured in a manner that makes it flow very nicely and contributes to its success. It starts with a quote to draw in the reader and show this student’s life-long passion for writing. Then it addresses the challenges of facing new, unfamiliar territory and how this student overcame it. Finally, it concludes by reflecting on this eye-opening experience and a nod to their younger self from the introduction. Having a well-thought out and sequential structure with clear transitions makes it extremely easy for the reader to follow along and take away the main idea.

Another positive aspect of the essay is the use of strong and expressive language. Sentences like “ When I thought of writing, I imagined lyrical prose, profound poetry, and thrilling plot lines ” stand out because of the intentional use of words like “lyrical”, “profound”, and “thrilling” to convey the student’s love of writing. The author also uses an active voice to capture the readers’ attention and keep us engaged. They rely on their language and diction to reveal details to the reader, for instance saying “ I felt everything from my toes to my tongue freeze into a solid block ” to describe feeling nervous.

This essay is already very strong, so there isn’t much that needs to be changed. One thing that could take the essay from great to outstanding would be to throw in more quotes, internal dialogue, and sensory descriptors.

It would be nice to see the nerves they felt interviewing the coach by including dialogue like “ Um…I want to interview you about…uh…”.  They could have shown their original distaste for journalism by narrating the thoughts running through their head. The fast-paced environment of their newspaper could have come to life with descriptions about the clacking of keyboards and the whirl of people running around laying out articles.

Essay Example #5: Starting a Fire

Was I no longer the beloved daughter of nature, whisperer of trees? Knee-high rubber boots, camouflage, bug spray—I wore the garb and perfume of a proud wild woman, yet there I was, hunched over the pathetic pile of stubborn sticks, utterly stumped, on the verge of tears. As a child, I had considered myself a kind of rustic princess, a cradler of spiders and centipedes, who was serenaded by mourning doves and chickadees, who could glide through tick-infested meadows and emerge Lyme-free. I knew the cracks of the earth like the scars on my own rough palms. Yet here I was, ten years later, incapable of performing the most fundamental outdoor task: I could not, for the life of me, start a fire. 

Furiously I rubbed the twigs together—rubbed and rubbed until shreds of skin flaked from my fingers. No smoke. The twigs were too young, too sticky-green; I tossed them away with a shower of curses, and began tearing through the underbrush in search of a more flammable collection. My efforts were fruitless. Livid, I bit a rejected twig, determined to prove that the forest had spurned me, offering only young, wet bones that would never burn. But the wood cracked like carrots between my teeth—old, brittle, and bitter. Roaring and nursing my aching palms, I retreated to the tent, where I sulked and awaited the jeers of my family. 

Rattling their empty worm cans and reeking of fat fish, my brother and cousins swaggered into the campsite. Immediately, they noticed the minor stick massacre by the fire pit and called to me, their deep voices already sharp with contempt. 

“Where’s the fire, Princess Clara?” they taunted. “Having some trouble?” They prodded me with the ends of the chewed branches and, with a few effortless scrapes of wood on rock, sparked a red and roaring flame. My face burned long after I left the fire pit. The camp stank of salmon and shame. 

In the tent, I pondered my failure. Was I so dainty? Was I that incapable? I thought of my hands, how calloused and capable they had been, how tender and smooth they had become. It had been years since I’d kneaded mud between my fingers; instead of scaling a white pine, I’d practiced scales on my piano, my hands softening into those of a musician—fleshy and sensitive. And I’d gotten glasses, having grown horrifically nearsighted; long nights of dim lighting and thick books had done this. I couldn’t remember the last time I had lain down on a hill, barefaced, and seen the stars without having to squint. Crawling along the edge of the tent, a spider confirmed my transformation—he disgusted me, and I felt an overwhelming urge to squash him. 

Yet, I realized I hadn’t really changed—I had only shifted perspective. I still eagerly explored new worlds, but through poems and prose rather than pastures and puddles. I’d grown to prefer the boom of a bass over that of a bullfrog, learned to coax a different kind of fire from wood, having developed a burn for writing rhymes and scrawling hypotheses. 

That night, I stayed up late with my journal and wrote about the spider I had decided not to kill. I had tolerated him just barely, only shrieking when he jumped—it helped to watch him decorate the corners of the tent with his delicate webs, knowing that he couldn’t start fires, either. When the night grew cold and the embers died, my words still smoked—my hands burned from all that scrawling—and even when I fell asleep, the ideas kept sparking—I was on fire, always on fire.

This student is an excellent writer, which allows a simple story to be outstandingly compelling. The author articulates her points beautifully and creatively through her immense use of details and figurative language. Lines like “a rustic princess, a cradler of spiders and centipedes, who was serenaded by mourning doves and chickadees,” and “rubbed and rubbed until shreds of skin flaked from my fingers,” create vivid images that draw the reader in. 

The flowery and descriptive prose also contributes to the nice juxtaposition between the old Clara and the new Clara. The latter half of the essay contrasts elements of nature with music and writing to demonstrate how natural these interests are for her now. This sentence perfectly encapsulates the contrast she is trying to build: “It had been years since I’d kneaded mud between my fingers; instead of scaling a white pine, I’d practiced scales on my piano, my hands softening into those of a musician—fleshy and sensitive.”

In addition to being well-written, this essay is thematically cohesive. It begins with the simple introduction “Fire!” and ends with the following image: “When the night grew cold and the embers died, my words still smoked—my hands burned from all that scrawling—and even when I fell asleep, the ideas kept sparking—I was on fire, always on fire.” This full-circle approach leaves readers satisfied and impressed.

There is very little this essay should change, however one thing to be cautious about is having an essay that is overly-descriptive. We know from the essay that this student likes to read and write, and depending on other elements of her application, it might make total sense to have such a flowery and ornate writing style. However, your personal statement needs to reflect your voice as well as your personality. If you would never use language like this in conversation or your writing, don’t put it in your personal statement. Make sure there is a balance between eloquence and your personal voice.

Essay Example #6: Dedicating a Track

“Getting beat is one thing – it’s part of competing – but I want no part in losing.” Coach Rob Stark’s motto never fails to remind me of his encouragement on early-morning bus rides to track meets around the state. I’ve always appreciated the phrase, but an experience last June helped me understand its more profound, universal meaning.

Stark, as we affectionately call him, has coached track at my high school for 25 years. His care, dedication, and emphasis on developing good character has left an enduring impact on me and hundreds of other students. Not only did he help me discover my talent and love for running, but he also taught me the importance of commitment and discipline and to approach every endeavor with the passion and intensity that I bring to running. When I learned a neighboring high school had dedicated their track to a longtime coach, I felt that Stark deserved similar honors.

Our school district’s board of education indicated they would only dedicate our track to Stark if I could demonstrate that he was extraordinary. I took charge and mobilized my teammates to distribute petitions, reach out to alumni, and compile statistics on the many team and individual champions Stark had coached over the years. We received astounding support, collecting almost 3,000 signatures and pages of endorsements from across the community. With help from my teammates, I presented this evidence to the board.

They didn’t bite. 

Most members argued that dedicating the track was a low priority. Knowing that we had to act quickly to convince them of its importance, I called a team meeting where we drafted a rebuttal for the next board meeting. To my surprise, they chose me to deliver it. I was far from the best public speaker in the group, and I felt nervous about going before the unsympathetic board again. However, at that second meeting, I discovered that I enjoy articulating and arguing for something that I’m passionate about.

Public speaking resembles a cross country race. Walking to the starting line, you have to trust your training and quell your last minute doubts. When the gun fires, you can’t think too hard about anything; your performance has to be instinctual, natural, even relaxed. At the next board meeting, the podium was my starting line. As I walked up to it, familiar butterflies fluttered in my stomach. Instead of the track stretching out in front of me, I faced the vast audience of teachers, board members, and my teammates. I felt my adrenaline build, and reassured myself: I’ve put in the work, my argument is powerful and sound. As the board president told me to introduce myself, I heard, “runners set” in the back of my mind. She finished speaking, and Bang! The brief silence was the gunshot for me to begin. 

The next few minutes blurred together, but when the dust settled, I knew from the board members’ expressions and the audience’s thunderous approval that I had run quite a race. Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough; the board voted down our proposal. I was disappointed, but proud of myself, my team, and our collaboration off the track. We stood up for a cause we believed in, and I overcame my worries about being a leader. Although I discovered that changing the status quo through an elected body can be a painstakingly difficult process and requires perseverance, I learned that I enjoy the challenges this effort offers. Last month, one of the school board members joked that I had become a “regular” – I now often show up to meetings to advocate for a variety of causes, including better environmental practices in cafeterias and safer equipment for athletes.

Just as Stark taught me, I worked passionately to achieve my goal. I may have been beaten when I appealed to the board, but I certainly didn’t lose, and that would have made Stark proud.

This essay effectively conveys this student’s compassion for others, initiative, and determination—all great qualities to exemplify in a personal statement!

Although they rely on telling us a lot of what happened up until the board meeting, the use of running a race (their passion) as a metaphor for public speaking provides a lot of insight into the fear that this student overcame to work towards something bigger than themself. Comparing a podium to the starting line, the audience to the track, and silence to the gunshot is a nice way of demonstrating this student’s passion for cross country running without making that the focus of the story.

The essay does a nice job of coming full circle at the end by explaining what the quote from the beginning meant to them after this experience. Without explicitly saying “ I now know that what Stark actually meant is…” they rely on the strength of their argument above to make it obvious to the reader what it means to get beat but not lose. 

One of the biggest areas of improvement in the intro, however, is how the essay tells us Stark’s impact rather than showing us: His care, dedication, and emphasis on developing good character has left an enduring impact on me and hundreds of other students. Not only did he help me discover my talent and love for running, but he also taught me the importance of commitment and discipline and to approach every endeavor with the passion and intensity that I bring to running.

The writer could’ve helped us feel a stronger emotional connection to Stark if they had included examples of Stark’s qualities, rather than explicitly stating them. For example, they could’ve written something like: Stark was the kind of person who would give you gas money if you told him your parents couldn’t afford to pick you up from practice. And he actually did that—several times. At track meets, alumni regularly would come talk to him and tell him how he’d changed their lives. Before Stark, I was ambivalent about running and was on the JV team, but his encouragement motivated me to run longer and harder and eventually make varsity. Because of him, I approach every endeavor with the passion and intensity that I bring to running.

Essay Example #7: Body Image and Eating Disorders

I press the “discover” button on my Instagram app, hoping to find enticing pictures to satisfy my boredom. Scrolling through, I see funny videos and mouth-watering pictures of food. However, one image stops me immediately. A fit teenage girl with a “perfect body” relaxes in a bikini on a beach. Beneath it, I see a slew of flattering comments. I shake with disapproval over the image’s unrealistic quality. However, part of me still wants to have a body like hers so that others will make similar comments to me.

I would like to resolve a silent issue that harms many teenagers and adults: negative self image and low self-esteem in a world where social media shapes how people view each other. When people see the façades others wear to create an “ideal” image, they can develop poor thought patterns rooted in negative self-talk. The constant comparisons to “perfect” others make people feel small. In this new digital age, it is hard to distinguish authentic from artificial representations.

When I was 11, I developed anorexia nervosa. Though I was already thin, I wanted to be skinny like the models that I saw on the magazine covers on the grocery store stands. Little did I know that those models probably also suffered from disorders, and that photoshop erased their flaws. I preferred being underweight to being healthy. No matter how little I ate or how thin I was, I always thought that I was too fat. I became obsessed with the number on the scale and would try to eat the least that I could without my parents urging me to take more. Fortunately, I stopped engaging in anorexic behaviors before middle school. However, my underlying mental habits did not change. The images that had provoked my disorder in the first place were still a constant presence in my life.

By age 15, I was in recovery from anorexia, but suffered from depression. While I used to only compare myself to models, the growth of social media meant I also compared myself to my friends and acquaintances. I felt left out when I saw my friends’ excitement about lake trips they had taken without me. As I scrolled past endless photos of my flawless, thin classmates with hundreds of likes and affirming comments, I felt my jealousy spiral. I wanted to be admired and loved by other people too. However, I felt that I could never be enough. I began to hate the way that I looked, and felt nothing in my life was good enough. I wanted to be called “perfect” and “body goals,” so I tried to only post at certain times of day to maximize my “likes.” When that didn’t work, I started to feel too anxious to post anything at all.  

Body image insecurities and social media comparisons affect thousands of people – men, women, children, and adults – every day. I am lucky – after a few months of my destructive social media habits, I came across a video that pointed out the illusory nature of social media; many Instagram posts only show off good things while people hide their flaws. I began going to therapy, and recovered from my depression. To address the problem of self-image and social media, we can all focus on what matters on the inside and not what is on the surface. As an effort to become healthy internally, I started a club at my school to promote clean eating and radiating beauty from within. It has helped me grow in my confidence, and today I’m not afraid to show others my struggles by sharing my experience with eating disorders. Someday, I hope to make this club a national organization to help teenagers and adults across the country. I support the idea of body positivity and embracing difference, not “perfection.” After all, how can we be ourselves if we all look the same?

This essay covers the difficult topics of eating disorders and mental health. If you’re thinking about covering similar topics in your essay, we recommend reading our post Should You Talk About Mental Health in College Essays?

The short answer is that, yes, you can talk about mental health, but it can be risky. If you do go that route, it’s important to focus on what you learned from the experience.

The strength of this essay is the student’s vulnerability, in excerpts such as this: I wanted to be admired and loved by other people too. However, I felt that I could never be enough. I began to hate the way that I looked, and felt nothing in my life was good enough. I wanted to be called “perfect” and “body goals,” so I tried to only post at certain times of day to maximize my “likes.”

The student goes on to share how they recovered from their depression through an eye-opening video and therapy sessions, and they’re now helping others find their self-worth as well. It’s great that this essay looks towards the future and shares the writer’s goals of making their club a national organization; we can see their ambition and compassion.

The main weakness of this essay is that it doesn’t focus enough on their recovery process, which is arguably the most important part. They could’ve told us more about the video they watched or the process of starting their club and the interactions they’ve had with other members. Especially when sharing such a vulnerable topic, there should be vulnerability in the recovery process too. That way, the reader can fully appreciate all that this student has overcome.

Essay Example #8: Becoming a Coach

”Advanced females ages 13 to 14 please proceed to staging with your coaches at this time.” Skittering around the room, eyes wide and pleading, I frantically explained my situation to nearby coaches. The seconds ticked away in my head; every polite refusal increased my desperation.

Despair weighed me down. I sank to my knees as a stream of competitors, coaches, and officials flowed around me. My dojang had no coach, and the tournament rules prohibited me from competing without one.

Although I wanted to remain strong, doubts began to cloud my mind. I could not help wondering: what was the point of perfecting my skills if I would never even compete? The other members of my team, who had found coaches minutes earlier, attempted to comfort me, but I barely heard their words. They couldn’t understand my despair at being left on the outside, and I never wanted them to understand.

Since my first lesson 12 years ago, the members of my dojang have become family. I have watched them grow up, finding my own happiness in theirs. Together, we have honed our kicks, blocks, and strikes. We have pushed one another to aim higher and become better martial artists. Although my dojang had searched for a reliable coach for years, we had not found one. When we attended competitions in the past, my teammates and I had always gotten lucky and found a sympathetic coach. Now, I knew this practice was unsustainable. It would devastate me to see the other members of my dojang in my situation, unable to compete and losing hope as a result. My dojang needed a coach, and I decided it was up to me to find one.

I first approached the adults in the dojang – both instructors and members’ parents. However, these attempts only reacquainted me with polite refusals. Everyone I asked told me they couldn’t devote multiple weekends per year to competitions. I soon realized that I would have become the coach myself.

At first, the inner workings of tournaments were a mystery to me. To prepare myself for success as a coach, I spent the next year as an official and took coaching classes on the side. I learned everything from motivational strategies to technical, behind-the-scenes components of Taekwondo competitions. Though I emerged with new knowledge and confidence in my capabilities, others did not share this faith.

Parents threw me disbelieving looks when they learned that their children’s coach was only a child herself. My self-confidence was my armor, deflecting their surly glances. Every armor is penetrable, however, and as the relentless barrage of doubts pounded my resilience, it began to wear down. I grew unsure of my own abilities.

Despite the attack, I refused to give up. When I saw the shining eyes of the youngest students preparing for their first competition, I knew I couldn’t let them down. To quit would be to set them up to be barred from competing like I was. The knowledge that I could solve my dojang’s longtime problem motivated me to overcome my apprehension.

Now that my dojang flourishes at competitions, the attacks on me have weakened, but not ended. I may never win the approval of every parent; at times, I am still tormented by doubts, but I find solace in the fact that members of my dojang now only worry about competing to the best of their abilities.

Now, as I arrive at a tournament with my students, I close my eyes and remember the past. I visualize the frantic search for a coach and the chaos amongst my teammates as we competed with one another to find coaches before the staging calls for our respective divisions. I open my eyes to the exact opposite scene. Lacking a coach hurt my ability to compete, but I am proud to know that no member of my dojang will have to face that problem again.

This essay begins with an in-the-moment narrative that really illustrates the chaos of looking for a coach last-minute. We feel the writer’s emotions, particularly her dejectedness, at not being able to compete. Starting an essay in media res  is a great way to capture the attention of your readers and build anticipation for what comes next.

Through this essay, we can see how gutsy and determined the student is in deciding to become a coach themselves. She shows us these characteristics through their actions, rather than explicitly telling us: To prepare myself for success as a coach, I spent the next year as an official and took coaching classes on the side.  Also, by discussing the opposition she faced and how it affected her, the student is open and vulnerable about the reality of the situation.

The essay comes full circle as the author recalls the frantic situations in seeking out a coach, but this is no longer a concern for them and their team. Overall, this essay is extremely effective in painting this student as mature, bold, and compassionate.

The biggest thing this essay needs to work on is showing not telling. Throughout the essay, the student tells us that she “emerged with new knowledge and confidence,” she “grew unsure of her own abilities,” and she “refused to give up”. What we really want to know is what this looks like.

Instead of saying she “emerged with new knowledge and confidence” she should have shared how she taught a new move to a fellow team-member without hesitation. Rather than telling us she “grew unsure of her own abilities” she should have shown what that looked like by including her internal dialogue and rhetorical questions that ran through her mind. She could have demonstrated what “refusing to give up” looks like by explaining how she kept learning coaching techniques on her own, turned to a mentor for advice, or devised a plan to win over the trust of parents. 

Essay Example #9: Eritrea

No one knows where Eritrea is.

On the first day of school, for the past nine years, I would pensively stand in front of a class, a teacher, a stranger  waiting for the inevitable question: Where are you from?

I smile politely, my dimples accentuating my ambiguous features. “Eritrea,” I answer promptly and proudly. But I  am always prepared. Before their expression can deepen into confusion, ready to ask “where is that,” I elaborate,  perhaps with a fleeting hint of exasperation, “East Africa, near Ethiopia.”

Sometimes, I single out the key-shaped hermit nation on a map, stunning teachers who have “never had a student  from there!” Grinning, I resist the urge to remark, “You didn’t even know it existed until two minutes ago!”

Eritrea is to the East of Ethiopia, its arid coastline clutches the lucrative Red Sea. Battle scars litter the ancient  streets – the colonial Italian architecture lathered with bullet holes, the mosques mangled with mortar shells.  Originally part of the world’s first Christian kingdom, Eritrea passed through the hands of colonial Italy, Britain, and  Ethiopia for over a century, until a bloody thirty year war of Independence liberated us.

But these are facts that anyone can know with a quick Google search. These are facts that I have memorised and compounded, first from my Grandmother and now from pristine books  borrowed from the library.

No historical narrative, however, can adequately capture what Eritrea is.  No one knows the aroma of bushels of potatoes, tomatoes, and garlic – still covered in dirt – that leads you to the open-air market. No one knows the poignant scent of spices, arranged in orange piles reminiscent of compacted  dunes.  No one knows how to haggle stubborn herders for sheep and roosters for Christmas celebrations as deliberately as my mother. No one can replicate the perfect balance of spices in dorho and tsebhi as well as my grandmother,  her gnarly hands stirring the pot with ancient precision (chastising my clumsy knife work with the potatoes).  It’s impossible to learn when the injera is ready – the exact moment you have to lift the lid of the mogogo. Do it too  early (or too late) and the flatbread becomes mangled and gross. It is a sixth sense passed through matriarchal  lineages.

There are no sources that catalogue the scent of incense that wafts through the sunlit porch on St. Michael’s; no  films that can capture the luminescence of hundreds of flaming bonfires that fluoresce the sidewalks on Kudus  Yohannes, as excited children chant Ge’ez proverbs whose origin has been lost to time.  You cannot learn the familiarity of walking beneath the towering Gothic figure of the Enda Mariam Cathedral, the  crowds undulating to the ringing of the archaic bells.  I have memorized the sound of the rains hounding the metal roof during kiremti , the heat of the sun pounding  against the Toyota’s window as we sped down towards Ghinda , the opulent brilliance of the stars twinkling in a  sky untainted by light pollution, the scent of warm rolls of bani wafting through the streets at precisely 6 o’clock each day…

I fill my flimsy sketchbook with pictures from my memory. My hand remembers the shapes of the hibiscus drifting  in the wind, the outline of my grandmother (affectionately nicknamed a’abaye ) leaning over the garden, the bizarre architecture of the Fiat Tagliero .  I dice the vegetables with movements handed down from generations. My nose remembers the scent of frying garlic, the sourness of the warm tayta , the sharpness of the mit’mt’a …

This knowledge is intrinsic.  “I am Eritrean,” I repeat. “I am proud.”  Within me is an encyclopedia of history, culture, and idealism.

Eritrea is the coffee made from scratch, the spices drying in the sun, the priests and nuns. Eritrea is wise, filled with ambition, and unseen potential.  Eritrea isn’t a place, it’s an identity.

This is an exceptional essay that provides a window into this student’s culture that really makes their love for their country and heritage leap off the page. The sheer level of details and sensory descriptors this student is able to fit in this space makes the essay stand out. From the smells, to the traditions, sounds, and sights, the author encapsulates all the glory of Eritrea for the reader. 

The vivid images this student is able to create for the reader, whether it is having the tedious conversation with every teacher or cooking in their grandmother’s kitchen, transports us into the story and makes us feel like we are there in the moment with the student. This is a prime example of an essay that shows , not tells.

Besides the amazing imagery, the use of shorter paragraphs also contributes to how engaging this essay is. Employing this tactic helps break up the text to make it more readable and it isolates ideas so they stick out more than if they were enveloped in a large paragraph.

Overall, this is a really strong essay that brings to life this student’s heritage through its use of vivid imagery. This essay exemplifies what it means to show not tell in your writing, and it is a great example of how you can write an intimate personal statement without making yourself the primary focus of your essay. 

There is very little this essay should improve upon, but one thing the student might consider would be to inject more personal reflection into their response. Although we can clearly take away their deep love and passion for their homeland and culture, the essay would be a bit more personal if they included the emotions and feelings they associate with the various aspects of Eritrea. For example, the way their heart swells with pride when their grandmother praises their ability to cook a flatbread or the feeling of serenity when they hear the bells ring out from the cathedral. Including personal details as well as sensory ones would create a wonderful balance of imagery and reflection.

Essay Example #10: Journaling

Flipping past dozens of colorful entries in my journal, I arrive at the final blank sheet. I press my pen lightly to the page, barely scratching its surface to create a series of loops stringing together into sentences. Emotions spill out, and with their release, I feel lightness in my chest. The stream of thoughts slows as I reach the bottom of the page, and I gently close the cover of the worn book: another journal finished.

I add the journal to the stack of eleven books on my nightstand. Struck by the bittersweet sensation of closing a chapter of my life, I grab the notebook at the bottom of the pile to reminisce.

“I want to make a flying mushen to fly in space and your in it” – October 2008

Pulling back the cover of my first Tinkerbell-themed diary, the prompt “My Hopes and Dreams” captures my attention. Though “machine” is misspelled in my scribbled response, I see the beginnings of my past obsession with outer space. At the age of five, I tore through novels about the solar system, experimented with rockets built from plastic straws, and rented Space Shuttle films from Blockbuster to satisfy my curiosities. While I chased down answers to questions as limitless as the universe, I fell in love with learning. Eight journals later, the same relentless curiosity brought me to an airplane descending on San Francisco Bay.

“I wish I had infinite sunsets” – July 2019

I reach for the charcoal notepad near the top of the pile and open to the first page: my flight to the Stanford Pre-Collegiate Summer Institutes. While I was excited to explore bioengineering, anxiety twisted in my stomach as I imagined my destination, unsure of whether I could overcome my shyness and connect with others.

With each new conversation, the sweat on my palms became less noticeable, and I met students from 23 different countries. Many of the moments where I challenged myself socially revolved around the third story deck of the Jerry house. A strange medley of English, Arabic, and Mandarin filled the summer air as my friends and I gathered there every evening, and dialogues at sunset soon became moments of bliss. In our conversations about cultural differences, the possibility of an afterlife, and the plausibility of far-fetched conspiracy theories, I learned to voice my opinion. As I was introduced to different viewpoints, these moments challenged my understanding of the world around me. In my final entries from California, I find excitement to learn from others and increased confidence, a tool that would later allow me to impact my community.

“The beauty in a tower of cans” – June 2020

Returning my gaze to the stack of journals, I stretch to take the floral-patterned book sitting on top. I flip through, eventually finding the beginnings of the organization I created during the outbreak of COVID-19. Since then, Door-to-Door Deliveries has woven its way through my entries and into reality, allowing me to aid high-risk populations through free grocery delivery.

With the confidence I gained the summer before, I took action when seeing others in need rather than letting my shyness hold me back. I reached out to local churches and senior centers to spread word of our services and interacted with customers through our website and social media pages. To further expand our impact, we held two food drives, and I mustered the courage to ask for donations door-to-door. In a tower of canned donations, I saw the value of reaching out to help others and realized my own potential to impact the world around me.

I delicately close the journal in my hands, smiling softly as the memories reappear, one after another. Reaching under my bed, I pull out a fresh notebook and open to its first sheet. I lightly press my pen to the page, “And so begins the next chapter…”

The structuring of this essay makes it easy and enjoyable to read. The student effectively organizes their various life experiences around their tower of journals, which centers the reader and makes the different stories easy to follow. Additionally, the student engages quotes from their journals—and unique formatting of the quotes—to signal that they are moving in time and show us which memory we should follow them to.

Thematically, the student uses the idea of shyness to connect the different memories they draw out of their journals. As the student describes their experiences overcoming shyness at the Stanford Pre-Collegiate Summer Institutes and Door-to-Door Deliveries, this essay can be read as an Overcoming Obstacles essay.

At the end of this essay, readers are fully convinced that this student is dedicated (they have committed to journaling every day), thoughtful (journaling is a thoughtful process and, in the essay, the student reflects thoughtfully on the past), and motivated (they flew across the country for a summer program and started a business). These are definitely qualities admissions officers are looking for in applicants!

Although this essay is already exceptionally strong as it’s written, the first journal entry feels out of place compared to the other two entries that discuss the author’s shyness and determination. It works well for the essay to have an entry from when the student was younger to add some humor (with misspelled words) and nostalgia, but if the student had either connected the quote they chose to the idea of overcoming a fear present in the other two anecdotes or if they had picked a different quote all together related to their shyness, it would have made the entire essay feel more cohesive.

Where to Get Your Personal Statement Edited

Do you want feedback on your personal statement? After rereading your essays countless times, it can be difficult to evaluate your writing objectively. That’s why we created our free Peer Essay Review tool , where you can get a free review of your essay from another student. You can also improve your own writing skills by reviewing other students’ essays. 

If you want a college admissions expert to review your essay, advisors on CollegeVine have helped students refine their writing and submit successful applications to top schools. Find the right advisor for you to improve your chances of getting into your dream school!

Next Step: Supplemental Essays

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